this morning I was run over by a bus. I used to weigh 350 pounds, but now I�m down to 160� all from being run over by the bus. I think I�ll start my own weight loss clinic: Stand in traffic, wait for a bus, and pay John Robert Powers, money.
Yes you too can be a member of the John Robert Powers, Jr. skinny academy.
Actually�
When I was in high school, we used to ride ATV�s. 3 wheeler�s then 4 wheeler�s after everyone started biting it on the 3 wheeled versions. Back when we were on the �trikes�, I was riding my friend Jim�s Honda ATV through the cow field up the road and behind his house. I was cool. I was free. I was riding through a cow field, and so I decided to go off the path and �tool it� through the open grass. 30 mph, 35 mph, 40 mph! and right in front of me I found a giant hole the farmer was digging. A big hole. I tried to gun it so the front wheel would come up� so I could have a hope of living, but I was going too fast and already had it flat out. Into the hole I went, nose first, my front tire hit the lip of that ditch and over the handle bars I went. My helmet came down and broke my nose. I split my knee open on the handle bars. I landed in front of the ditch, the 3 wheeler popped out of the hole� and ran me over. My friends found me underneath the machine literally with tire marks on my ass.
I had a broken nose, whip lash, three compressed disks and a bone contusion on one of my vertebrae. The funny thing, apart from running myself over, is I walked home. I was in pain to say the least, and I wouldn�t let anyone touch me, let alone stick me in a car. Probably because it hurt so bad to move my spine. So Jim�s mother follows me home in her car the two miles as I walked home. I bet I was in shock and that�s why I was so belligerent. My mother eventually came home and found me writhing in pain flat on the living room floor, and soon, for the 15th time in my life, I was seriously injured in the hospital again. Ahh the memories.
I was hit by a car on my sister�s 10 speed. She was really pissed about her bike. I was hit by my ex-girlfriend�s Mazda RX-7� full speed in reverse. She said she didn't mean it. I was rear-ended only once until I bought that brand new BMW 318IS. When I got that car I was rear ended 3 times in less than 3 years. I have been in 6 car accidents that were not my fault. I haven�t had any sort of accident in about 4 years.
This is why insurance companies have such high rates for people 25 and under. Why? Because when people are younger, like I was, they have a tendency to run themselves over.
