It's winter & the East Side of Providence is a Frozen Rink of Death
I'm walking to work in my Alter Ego Suit & I look like everyone else walking to work in dress shoes
coffee in one hand, brief case in the other, gingerly taking steps down this huge ice encrusted hill
leading past Brown University
The business people walk down the hill in dress shoes
The Brown Students (who take all the parking)
are walking up the hill in sensible shoes�
no�
The parking spot stealing I can't go to a real ivy league school but my daddy bought me a BMW anyway students are walking up the hill in SENSIBLE shoes
& suddenly someone's DKNY backpack bumps me & I'm pot over coffee over ass over kettle FALLING!
& then I'm SLIDING!
down the hill where I have to walk because of all the Brown Students parking around here
I'm outta control!
I'm on my side, I'm on my back, I'm trying to stop but I keep going faster!
FASTER!
I scream past the upright pedestrians:
I'M SLIDING DOWN THE HILL!
I'M SLIDING DOWN THE HILL!
& the Brown Students yell back:
YES YOU ARE!
YES YOU ARE!
& there's this old lady in front of me with her little dog
I'm trying to get out of the way - I'm twisting, I'm turning, I'm on my stomach, I'm on my back,
I'm trying to get out of the WAAAAAAY!
but I nail them both
AAAAAH!
YIPE!
Tha Thud Thud
I'm scraping against the curb but it's as frozen as the street
fences are blurs, poles are blurs
I'm wooshing past cars
whoosh whoosh hoooonk & I'm still sliding
SLIDING!
& suddenly I'm in control.
Dragging my brief case behind me like a rudder
I move it left, I turn left
I move it right, I turn right
(& how long is this hill anyway?)
but I see a Brown Student
BROWN STUDENTS!
(did I mention they take all the parking?)
move the brief case left - left - left - right
I nail him! up he goes
AYIEEEEE!
My daddy's going to sue!
I look back to see the bastard land & there's another guy in a business suit sliding outta control just like I was
so I yell to him:
Use your brief case to steer! & he yells Good Idea!
& now we're in tandem, Sliding but not stopping
he yells to the guy behind him
& we FORM a delta FORM-ation
& suddenly it's Suits On Ice:
3 business men in a 30 degree dance of descent
so I yell: Aim for the Brown Students, they talk all the parking!
now we're the Pinstriped Lugers
a full contact luge team
lugeing at every student we see
left - left - left - BAM
AYIEEEEE!
long right
left - left - left - BAM
AYIEEEEE!
long right
we take out three more
& suddenly I'm skidding across the canal
(lucky I have the light)
South Main's a blur
Westminster's in view
& left - left -left
STOP.
I stand,
wave to the other lugers skidding by
& have a Zen moment
I'm hungry without even looking at my watch
I'm five minutes early to work without even trying
& I know that tomorrow I'll be early again
because tomorrow there'll be more parking spaces.
�
[it's an old poem]
