Back in the air
U.S. surveillance flights resume off coast of China
SURE NOW WE CAN SPY ON OUR OLD PLANE BEING SPIED ON BY THE CHINESE ON THE GROUND . "OOH LOOK, THEY'RE STILL REVERSE ENGINEERING ALL OF OUR HIGH TECH TOP SECRET DEVICES!" Sigh, I can't do it. I'm sorry we as a nation generally have the attention span of a flea with an internet connection. We won't care about spy planes until China shoots one down this time - which will be next week.
Military shake-up
WashPost: Rumsfeld to unveil sweeping changes
It's all because of those stupid beret's! It has to be!
Pope visits divided Golan Heights� John Paul offers plea for peace
The pope - head and center of the Christian universe, goes to Jewish controlled Israel (who is fighting with Muslims) to bring a message of peace to his Christian flock? Hrmm.
Great Train Robber back in England� Biggs returns from 31-year exile
The now 71 man who was part of the gang that pulled off the 1963 "Great Train Robbery" that netted 47 million pounds in today's money has had so many strokes that he can't walk or speak - so he went back to England from his safe haven in Brazil. I have one compound word for all of this: Health-Care. Or should it be just Smart-Man?
Liquor lobby pushes for TV ads� WSJ: Hard-alcohol spots sought
Alcohol - the most devastating drug in American history. We have beer commercials... SO WHY NOT JACK DANIELS! Actually we should allow cigarette commercials too... and hand guns!!! I WANT A JACK KEVORKIAN COMMERCIAL WITH HIM OFFERING TO KILL PEOPLE FOR FREE - JUST SIGN UP! Have I ever mentioned that I believe a good portion of marketing execs to be Satan spawn?
Kidman mum on Cruise�s lawsuit� �Scoop�: Star �really playing hardball�
This is not what it seems. Tom Cruise filed against a gay porn star in France. See what I mean? Not what you hear everyday. "Umm, Mr. Gay Porn Star, I'd like my pants back" "ne me quitte pas il faut ublier tous pour s�oulier... NO" "I'LL SUE!" No wonder his soon to be ex-wife isn't talking.
� Where in the world is Matt Lauer? - Where in the World are Tom Cruise's pants?!?
� T-ball a grand slam at White House - The President of the US playing T-ball... Too easy, too easy.... Must... resist... easy... joke... about... Bush. GAAAH!
� Study finds many nurses dissatisfied - *Channels Andrew Dice Clay* Well have her come see me. Guaranteed any nurse would be satisfied after seeing me! Oh! Baaa BOOOM!
� �Travel Detective�: Choosing a hotel - Thin news week I guess. This headline sucks.
� Nutrition: Work late, gain weight? - Gee. Working late implies even more sitting on your ass not moving anything but your forearms and fingers, SO OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT. Dumbasses.
� Fighting claims Palestinian baby - Israeli tanks shelled a Palestinian refugee camp Monday in response to mortar fire on Jewish settlements, killing a 4-month-old girl and wounding 20 people. Guess the Pope didn't help much.
