�� new old this that ��

2001-05-09.10:16 a.m.

Red Sox, a lot of pot, bondage and rubbers

Manny Ramirez who has an 8 year $160 million dollar deal hit two home homers (doh! doh!). Jose Offerman, Chris Stynes had hits, and Shea Hillenbrand joined Ramirez in hitting two-run homers (doh! doh! pant pant) as Boston handed the Seattle Mariners their third loss in four games, 12-4.

Fuck I sound like a sports writer.

Sitting in Fenway Park last night surrounded by 32,000 other people, I realized sports arenas are the same as sports bars - the only difference is there's just one reeeeealy big TV in the center as opposed to 50 little ones in all the corners with the sound turned off. In either place I still drink too much beer and eat far far too many peanuts.



So I took a half day yesterday - yep I walked up to my boss and said "I have to make my back patio LOUSY CHAIR AND RUBBER PLANT THROWING SCUM FUCKER proof � NOW!" He said "Ok" and I left

and went to the hardware store

and picked up potting soil, steel wire, steel clear plastic coated cable, cable clamps and a HUGE pot.

I walked up to the cashier with my stuff and an old guy behind me said "that's a lot a pot�"

I resisted yelling out "DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE" and just half rolled my eyes muttering "yep" in that I'm so Jaded way that we've all come to love.



Back home I repotted the giant (now nice and dust and dirt free thanks to the LOUSY CHAIR AND RUBBER PLANT THROWING SCUM FUCKERS) and proceeded to chain all of my things to each other - including the big ass rubber plant.

So now my back patio has two tables, two chairs, and a huge palm / rubber plant in a huge pot chained together with steel clear plastic coated cable secured with industrial strength cable clamps.

This pot I bought is so big I can barely lift it, so big that I needed two of the large bags of potting soil to fill it, along with the roots and most of the soil from the last pot.

(and a few big rocks)

I even attached the rubber plant to the pot with steel wire, so there's no way to pull it out and toss it in the river sans huge ass pot.

The steel cable holding the chairs and everything else together is attached in a loop with double clamps that you'll need a wrench and 30 minutes to undo.

The only way anything of mine is going in the river is if it all goes at the same time or they break the plants stems off.

Fuck.

What if they break the stems off???

Hrmm. Oh yeah, I have the web cam on motion detect, so I'll at least see who it is while they're molesting my rubber� plant.



Ah yes, I'm going to put up the text message page soon. Some of you people are funny.

One person THINKS they�re funny. I got a message this morning saying

"Call Murphy. You're late"

I've never known a Murphy in my life. Sheesh, you know someone's a � Irish and automatically ASSUME he hangs around with Murphy's...

I'm just kidding about being mad about it, it was funny.

God I'm hung over.



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





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