�� new old this that ��

2001-05-18.10:10 a.m.

� Jaded & Angsty HorrorScopes �

Aries 3/20-4/18
The Sun is in Taurus and the Moon is going from Pisces into Aries with a Cancer in Retrograde on a sesame seed bun� THEREFORE proceed with caution on your upcoming trip. Stop two drinks short unless the drink is water. If your drink is water � drink two more. Yep, more seafood.

Taurus 4/19-5/19
Spend a little extra time pampering yourself. Stay in the shower until the water runs cool. Remember friends you haven�t spoken to lately � before they become old friends. Now -you�re- lacking protein � at least eat some alfalfa.

Gemini 5/20-6/20
If a secret is being held (such as why you didn�t buy bread)� it�s time to come clean. Throw out that last slice of cheese and start fresh. Do not go through the drive through, just don�t.

Cancer 6/21-7/21
In dealing with the jerk � appease him for as long as you need to before you have a safe chance to tell him where to go. Sushi. Get Sushi. Unagi especially. Sit at the bar. Tip the chef before he starts preparing your raw fish, then tip him again afterwards.

Leo 7/22-8/22
Sometimes it is better to tuff it out at your current job � instead of getting pissy over things you can�t change. Be nice to the dog, it knows something is wrong and FOR GODS SAKE STOP EATING LIKE IT�S 1954!

Virgo 8/23-9/21
Do absolutely nothing that is not for yourself this weekend. Start eating breakfast again � and not that healthy dry cereal junk. Eggs. You want eggs!

Libra 9/21-10/22
Corporation does not mean you have to give up any personal standards � unless you don�t have any personal standards to begin with. Get standards if you don�t have any � such as Detroit Rock City by Kiss. Order the 3rd special from the top.

Scorpio 10/21-11/21
Take your money and run� unless there�s a bus coming. If a bus is coming, stop running, wait for it to pass, then keep running. Run all the way to the nearest diner and order anything but the Sun Chips. Those things will be nasty. Try a number from the menu between 7 and 9.

Sagittarius 11/22-12/20
If you�re out of the US, enjoy it. A great many never escape. Take it easier during the weekend than the week � you�ll enjoy your life that much more. If at a party, play pool but not croquette � those whacking wooden balls freak me out. Eat a dog � be it hot or tofu.

Capricorn 12/21-1/20
Take that recent disappointment with stride. You can use it to your advantage if you play it right and you deserved a break anyway. Regroup. Sorry, but you will be eating sandwiches soon.

Aquarius 1/21-2/19
If you are an Aquarius who owns an aquarium, clean it. If you don�t own an aquarium then you should get a plant. You need more life in your life. Gamey foods are out. Don�t eat anything someone had to kill instead of just going to the grocery store where hamburger is grown on bushes.

Pisces 2/20-3/19
Have fun showing off your work. You do a lot, but rarely get the chance for others to see your results. You�re going to be fine. Go to the cute corner market � get something exotic � and not exotic like bad clich� British food. Bad clich� British food would be sawdust dipped in lard gravy. Bad clich� American food is McDonalds.



Amazingly I have only received 4 complaints out of the roughly 300 rings I tried to join. annatto, biest, msophelia, and haptotrope officially do not like me. I�m actually shocked there�s not more.

Last night I hung out at home and we did nothing we were supposed to. We have to do some laundry, I HAVE to clean the cat box.

�Isn�t my life exciting?�

�No�

�Saturday I�ll be going to a party in Massachusetts at Becky�s house!�

�You�re still not very exciting�

�I bet I�ll play pool!�

�Ok, that�s exciting�

�Really?�

�No, but you�ll have fun anyway�



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





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