�� new old this that ��

2001-05-26.3:56 p.m.

GIANT DILDO SPOTTED IN PROVIDENCE!

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So last night I went out to dinner with Jen and my parents � some local restaurant called Chello�s.

I ate fish and chips.

I�m not sure if it�s a New England thing or a US thing, but the chips are French Fries - which are not chips, but neither are Fries - French either.



I just got a call from a telemarketing recording. The recording said �Hi! If you are real busy, please hang up.�

I wasn�t busy, but I hung up anyway.



ANYWAY�

After dinner Jen and I came back home, we hung out for a while, and then around 10:30 I went out to see a few bands with my friend Ray. Jen had to work this morning, so as usual she stayed home.

We went to see Comic Book Super Hero�s � at the Met Caf� (right next to Lupo�s Hearbreak Hotel�) They were good enough � too bad the sound guy was on crack.

Now Eva. Eva sucked ass. I about lost my shit when the leader singer grrl started nasally singing lyrics such as �Be careful / the world is a big place / the world is a big place��

HORK

I mean, come on, I�m not the elitist writer poet type at all, but �the world is a big place�? Even Cat Stephan�s can come up with better lines�

�Ohh baby baby it�s a wild world��

I used to love Cat Stephens � even if he is a cultist now.



So while I�m there I was talking to another friend of mine who showed up. Just so he doesn�t kill me I won�t use his real name. Why? Read on.

We were standing outside talking after the show and he tells me he was doing something in his apartment and he ended up going through his girl friends drawers. Her dresser drawers you perverts.

SO.

He�s going through the drawers and he finds a Jet Black 10 Inch Butt Plug and a blacker 15 inch giant rubber dildo.

This surprised him, I guess, so he didn�t say anything to her about it.

He�s all freaked out asking me what to do.

�Oh man, what am I gonna do man?�

�What are you going to do?�

You might think it was a used crack vial and a hypo with a smidgen of heroin left�

I asked him if they�d been having sex.

He said now they were but they went a long time without getting it on a while back.

�There�s your answer.

I told him to use the dildo with her.

�Broaden your horizons, but leave the butt plug hidden away� A ten inch butt plug? You sure it�s that big? Either your girlfriend has an anus the size of Ohio or she can�t use that thing��

SO ANYWAY�

I�ll have to call him and see if he�s expanded his night time extracurricular activity horizons.

Now if I could just get this neoprene smell out of my hands.



p.s. there's another entry from today right before this one...



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





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