�� new old this that ��

2001-05-29.11:25 a.m.

Mafia Solutions

If I were in the Mafia, every time a friend complained to me about someone they know, I�d offer to have them killed.

�Your sister is pissing you off? Acting like a spoiled brat? Want me to have her killed?�

�Your best friend blew you off to spend an evening with some new person they have the hots for? That�s ok, I�ll bring her to a special meeting� with Jimmy Hoffa.�

�Justin, you don�t think you want to date this woman anymore, but can�t figure out how to break it off? That�s ok, I�ll take her swimming� with the fishes!�

�Your mom took away your phone? Not letting you go out to the pedophile filled rave? Don�t worry, I�ll distract her by bringing her to a nice restaurant and buy her the lead sandwich.�

�The kids are pissing you off again?!? Acting like animals??? I�ll take em away. You can visit them anytime you want, course it�s gonna require you to go to Jersey to say hello to the hands and then Vermont to say hello to the rest of them.�

Somehow I doubt very many people would take me up on my offer.




I wish someone would take my flu and sell it a pair of cement shoes. johnpowers still feeling like hell� and like the dumb ass that I am � I am at work.



Tommorow is the advice column. For some reason, most everyone but Carrot Top seems to be able to solve thier own problems...



We had another problem with the stupid dumb people messing with our stuff, only this time they didn't take anything, they left us something.

They left us 2 citronella candles on our outside table. They must be trying to get the heat off of themselves by pinning some stolen bug candles on me � the bad ass guy who sees them walk by and stares at them as they walk away. Call me a wimp, but I didn�t feel like challenging 8 teenagers by bitching them out at 11pm at night � when all they did was take a short cut. If I felt better, I�d have said something, but by the time I found my boots and pulled the tissues out of my nose� well, it was just too much effort to go chasing after them� what with me sick and all. All I could do was follow them off the property and I am sure they took that as a sign of weakness on my part and came back during the middle of the night to set up a frame job� a citronella frame job.

Tonight I get to meet my neighbors while I search for the candles rightful owners.

Anyway, I think I need to get a new hobby, because this chair in the river citronella candle moving war is just too lame�

even for me.

I�m getting tired of this sillyness.

Now if only I knew someone in the mafia� hrmm.



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





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