�� new old this that ��

2001-06-25.11:52 a.m.

� Today�s Headlines �

The headlines are real, the story and the take are mine.

Study shows taking polls is good for you, so Take the damn poll!

take my poll at:

Style Poll:
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SUVs on a Diet

In the strongest signal so far that Republicans are ready to allow tougher mileage standards on sport utility vehicles, minivans and pickups, Senate Minority Leader Trent Lott told NBC News on Sunday that he was open to the idea. Senate Minority Leader Trent Lott was also heard to be open to the idea of someone offing Sen. Jeffords the now independent from Vermont so he could 'get [his] nice and comfy oil powered baby seal skin covered majority leader desk chair back.'

Under today�s standards, automakers� light truck fleets must average 20.7 mpg. Their car fleets must average 27.5. Lott is talking about increasing SUVs gas mileage to 23 or 24 miles per gallon.

Big deal.

Here's an idea, let's double all car's gas mileage and miraculously cut the price per gallon of gasoline in half.

Newsweek: Why we love big gas guzzlers

Want to talk about the hypocrisy of baby-boomers? They created Earth Day and then went on to make a status symbol of gas-guzzling four-wheel-drive trucks. Ironically, more SUV owners claim to be environmentalists than do drivers of other types of vehicles. Moronically, only 5 percent of SUVs ever venture into the untamed wilderness.

Typhoon Chebi kills 73 in China
� Report says scores missing in storm

*update* Lakers 102, Celtics 56 - Some of the scores were found.

Peru searches for more victims
� Earthquake�s death toll still rising

Everybody sing! "Death death death death! People are dying everywhere! Death death death death!" Sorry death and dismemberment usually isn't funny, unless it's someone you really really don't like... like Marc Summers.

Diabetics� heart risks poorly treated
� Blood pressure, cholesterol ignored

(scene: a self help group on the lower middle upper east west side)

Susan - "Now why don't we go around the room and each describe what�s bothering us."

Heart Risks - "I um I don't know, I just don't feel appreciated, I feel so poorly treated."

Blood Pressure - "People pretend I don't exist. They never look at me, hell its as if no one wants to admit I exist."

Cholesterol - "Yeah Blood, I am feeling your groove. Doesn't it just suck lard balls to be ignored?"

Susan, "I just hate you all."

(curtain)

Alec Baldwin�s Long Island bomb
� �Scoop�: Star strikes out with woman

A star struck out with a woman?

A meteor threw up an air ball with a man?

A comet lost to Tiger Woods on the 1st hole when it got a triple triple double bogey and was kicked off the green for freezing it.

A solar flare was kicked off the US Olympic Water Polo Team after it jumped in the pool and boiled its teammates.

INSIDE MSNBC.COM
� Rocker earns first save for Indians

Bruce lends a hand to the first people to be born in the USA... or rather born in the country we stole from those who were born here first. That's kind of like born in the USA.

� Palm getting smacked by PDA rivals

"Smacking the Palm" this sounds a lot like a euphemism for masturbation, but I really don't want to start talking about masturbation first thing on a Monday morning. Nope, not going to talk about abusing the lizard, getting medieval on ones meat, or bowling solo with two balls, 1 pin, two hands and a bottle of KY. Nope, not going to go there.

� �Fast and Furious� box office surprise

A car B-Movie - a modern remake of 1975�s "Death Race 2000" and �60s mindlessness like "Hot Rods to Hell," and older "Red Hot Tires."

It's no bullet. Hell, its no days of thunder.

� WashPost: Coney Island�s makeover

Use a little rouge instead of all that ketchup. Mustard under the eyes is just so passe, try a little eye liner. Powder, that�s not powder! That�s bun dust! That�s roll grit! That�s flower!

� Cubans recover after Castro faints

After a night of celebrating in drunken revelry, Cubans had to sober up quickly when they heard the dictator was not actually dead. Upon the news, people immediately began to get in day long lines for certain medical procedures and specific foods.

� Treasury secretary: No recession yet

"You mean Busch was wrong about our impending recession?" "Then why did many companies lay so many people off?" "Hey, if the President says there�s going to be a recession, then there is going to be one and they had to make strategery adjustments."



Seriously, take the damn poll up top before I remove a style that you like and you're emailing me complaining about it...



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





Long time no update. - 12.19.09

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Big brother - 2007-09-26

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