Every Friday I present my own unique style of Horoscopes for your reading enjoyment. In 3 days I will be at The National Poetry Slam in Seattle - where I�ll be coaching the slam team and attempting to update daily, but I can't guarantee I'll be updating everyday.
Too much to do - no time to even think straight today... and aparantly spell well as well.
Hell that rhymed.
The Horrorscopes
Aries 3/20-4/18
There is a giant truck coming your way. Just keep an eye out and all will be fine. I hope. Savory Smothered Pork Chops
Taurus 4/19-5/19
Do not strap a rocket engine to your Pacer. Even that's been done before. Ginger-Sesame Chicken
Gemini 5/20-6/20
Before jumping from the plane, check to be sure you know where both cords are. Liverwurst and mustard on Pumpernickel
Cancer 6/21-7/21
Put your arm behind the skill saw. Do not keep it in front of the skill saw. No one likes a person named righty. Swordfish With Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto
Leo 7/22-8/22
Do not worry about the plane, worry about the car ride before. Fasten the seatbelts. Salmon With Corn and Tomato Salsa
Virgo 8/23-9/21
Stop rushing while cutting the sandwiches. Trust me. Broiled Mustard-Glazed Chicken
Libra 9/21-10/22
Ummm, yeah. Stand back from that grill. Stand waay back. Brown Rice
Scorpio 10/21-11/21
Keep looking over your shoulder, 'the boss' is nearby. Citrus Salmon With Roasted Green Beans
Sagittarius 11/22-12/20
Crossing the street is even more dangerous than you think. Chicken Fajitas
Capricorn 12/21-1/20
Are any of your household chemicals in reach of your pets? Grilled Tuna With Mango and Black Bean Salsa
Aquarius 1/21-2/19
Do not be concerned with the elevator falling, be concerned about the door mashing someone. Lets just hope its a little dog this time. Pasta With Pesto Sauce
Pisces 2/20-3/19
You're not a high rise window washer, are you? Check all fasteners before use. Grilled Cheese
