�� new old this that ��

2001-07-30.9:34 a.m.

� Headlines �

John Powers is on Vacation
� as if anyone gives a damn

I'll will be off from work this week and will be in Seattle starting tomorrow. Somehow I doubt I'll be able to keep up my regular columns while I'm out there, but I'll try. I make no promises.

I'll be coaching the Providence Slam Team at the National Poetry Slam, checking out some open air fish market, going up into space in some needle thingy, trying to not get arrested because I look like an anarchist, dying my hair red, and trying to avoid getting drunk and getting replicas of Angolan Joule�s tattoos on my ankles.

Jen and I are taking separate planes because our travel agent is on crystal meth and uses dirty heroin, so if my plane crashes and I die, you'll see hear about it here.

4 die in blast at Ohio county fair
� Dozens injured after engine explodes

"Damn son, that's some big engine you got there!"

"Wanna see me rev it? I built it myself!"

"RRrrrRRRrrrrrRrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

"Boom"

Firefighters get weather break
� Homes still at risk in Wyoming

"It's raining, break out the lemonade"

Apes trump dinosaurs at box office
� �Planet� dominates a quiet weekend

"Do you have any fours?"

"Go fish."

"Damn you dirty ape!"

"Fine, lets play pitch"

"What's trump?"

"Hearts"

"Damn you dirty ape!"

� �Scoop�: Condit�s other rendezvous

Condit was rumored to have met an airbus refueler at 40,000 feet.

His arms flap fast.

(johnpowers is not funny, johnpowers hangs his head and sobs, NO ONE LOVES ME!!!)

(sobs are heard from the closet)

� Protecting your financial privacy

DO NOT LOOK IN MY WALLET AND SEE THE TEN DOLLARS IN THERE!!

DO NOT DO IT.

� WashPost: Jordan�s toughest shot

(scene: the year 2040)

Voice over: Michael Jordan is now 1/2 mechanical parts, but still has to use a cane...

So Michael, how do you respond to the rumors that this year will be your 54th comeback since the start of your career.

I'll answer that as soon as I can find my bionic teeth.


� Newsweek: Japan�s toys for seniors

This is actually slabs of whale meat - harvested through 'experimental' reasons... The experiment being how long they can plunder the earth's oceans before we get a government that actually gives a damn about the environment.

� New Orleans: hot, humid and spicy

In other words, nothing has changed in New Orleans since 1905...



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





Long time no update. - 12.19.09

Clinton or Obama? - 2007-10-04

Two workshop Providence paid gig - looking for instructor - 2007-10-03

Big brother - 2007-09-26

Favorites - 2007-08-30