Layoffs skyrocket
� over 200,000 job cuts announced in July alone
Makes updating your journal from work 10 times a day and checking it even more than that seem even more appealing - eh?
Weaker Barry drenches Southeast
� Winds drop as storm crosses land
"please oh please tear my roof off!"
Census: Immigration boom in �90s
� How newcomers are changing U.S.
The newcomers to this country are changing it by giving the same rich old men different targets to exploit.
"Yo quiero some respect pendejo."
"All us Chinese have to read the subtitles too, because they're in MANDARIN! Dumbasses"
Doctor: Cloning can�t be stopped
� Italian to start human trials this fall
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT SOME PEOPLE HOLD HOLY, DO NOT CLONE ANY MORE ULTRA RIGHT WING CONSERVATIVES!!!
"Oops, we dropped the Gingrinch sample."
"Oops, we dropped the Norwood sample."
"Oops, we dropped the Lott sample."
"Oops, we dropped the Bush sample."
(camera pans to see john powers the lab technician marking experiment failed on his little clip board)
Clinton signs deal for memoirs
� Knopf said to OK record advance
The book reportedly is to be titled "Women are from Venus, Men like oral Sex"
� �Today�: Roswell, truth or conspiracy?
One in every three adults believe an alien spaceship did land in Roswell.
One in every two adults believed George Bush was a moderate compassionate conservative when they voted for him.
Hrmm.
� Interactive: America hits the highway
"I hit the highway once and damn did my hand hurt!"
Ba dum dum! <-- drum set noises
"Thanks folks, I'm Carrot Top and I'll be here until you start throwing things."
Crash Crunch Boom <-- Piano noise as it lands on Carrot Top
� Cambodia faces its grisly past
Around 1.7 million people died in 4 years because of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge. That's one fifth of the country�s population.
Talk about an ugly face.
Anyone know how many Native American deaths the United States is responsible for?
� �Scoop�: Penelope Cruz�s bull woes
Penelope Cruz is doing well in the hospital recovering from some really nasty ass puncture wounds.
� Newsweek: The vanishing blue crabs
"Gee Doc, I dyed my pubes with manic panic and the rash, cheese smell and itching just went away!"
� Solo balloonist zooms over Australia
That's no peppy giant latex Dachshund, that's American adventurer Steve Fossett!