Just sit right back and you will hear a tale...
A tale of a fateful trip...
That started from this tropic port
So what do all you folks out there do for fun with your co-workers after work?
Do you go to the local sports bar?
Do a few of you go to dinner somewhere?
A basketball league?
Golf?
Well if you develop software in the company I work for, you enjoy a unique sailing experience aboard one of the newest and finest catamarans in the Newport area of Rhode Island or anywhere else!
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
Yep. About 40 of us are driving down to Newport, hopping aboard a giant catamaran with it's own cash wet bar, sailing out into the ocean for an hour and a half, turning around, and then coming home.
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
Probably on the whole, a lot drunker. Glad I'm not driving or drinking much - especially since they're predicting a 3 percent chance of rain and a .0001 chance of a hurricane - which with my luck both statistical improbabilities will happen...
The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed,
and this entire pleasure cruise will become some sort of long drawn out disaster.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost.
I used to sail when I was younger, but I know I couldn't handle a boat as big as this catamaran. I wouldn't know where to start. I can just see it now,
"Help Captain Bruce (that's his name) is so old and frail the light breeze blew him overboard!"
"Anyone know how to sail?"
"Well john here used to sail those six foot long Sun Fishes... and he's fallen off a windsurfer a whole bunch of times!"
Just then I take the wheel, somehow raise the mainsail and watch in horror as the boom swings around and launches all but 6 of my fellow detainees on leave from the cube farm - except my boss - into the Atlantic.
The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
With Gilligan
The Skipper too,
The millionaire and his wife,
The movie star
The professor and Mary Ann,
Here on Gilligans Isle.
Some how I'd get confused and somehow that wouldn't be a great shock as I just killed half the people I work with and those of us who remained would look on in horror as we realized I'd pointed the corporate catamaran directly towards Skull Island instead of Newport's shore.
So this is the tale of the castaways,
They're here for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.
We'd wake up, faces covered with sand, the boat would be wrecked, my boss would fire me, but I'd be able to say, "You can't fire me! I'm the captain!"
"But you sucked as the captain."
"Mutiny! Mutiny!"
and they'd throw me back in the water.
The first mate and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others comfortable,
In the tropic island nest.
Of course we'd all have some touching moment and everyone would apologize because hell, at least I didn't pilot the damn boat to Turkey where we'd all get arrested as spies.
We'd stand around for a while, realize every one of our cell phones were washed overboard, the previous frail as hell captain who blew overboard didn't believe in radio's because he was in the process of converting to Amish...ness
and basically we were yet again.
Screwed.
No phone, no lights no motor cars,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primitive as can be.
Eventually one of the tech services guys who survived would build a computer out of coconuts - which would be amazing because if he can do that he should be able to build a cell phone - but hey this is happening to me.
However we'd eventually figure out a way to log onto the internet from our deserted island - only to find that the genus of coconuts on the island only allow downloading and not uploading, so we'd be screwed yet again...
and our hyjinks would go on and on and on...
So join us here each week my friends,
You're sure to get a smile,
From seven stranded castaways,
Here on "Gilligan's Isle."
(Too bad no one I work with comes close to looking like Ginger or even Mary Ann.)
