�� new old this that ��

08.27.01.10:45

� Headlines �

Every monday is headline day... well at least for now. The headlines are real, the captions, story, and or take are mine.

Four winning Powerball tickets sold
. Kentucky man says he's got one

I have a better chance of getting into a threesome with Angela Lansbury, and my girlfriend in the middle of the Indian Ocean, suddenly getting attacked by two Great Whites (one fish and then one of one band members skin diving) then getting struck by lightning AND STILL LIVING - than I do at ever winning Powerball, so I save my single dollars and give them to homeless people who will just waste them on Night Train and drugs.

It helps me feel like I'm making a difference.

Analysts see stocks picking it up
. Is market about to turn the corner?

No.

Mental illness burdens minorities
. Surgeon general releases new report

Wow, the surgeon general is a brain surgeon. Guess what Mr. Surgeon General man, bad backs burden minorities, glass ceilings burden minorities, poor economic conditions burden minorities, racism, classism, morinicisms of appointed officials burden minorities, so why would it be a surprise that minorities are treated differently in the mental health system?

"Because my name hasn't been in the newspapers yet..."

"Thank you for being honest."

Opinions: A surplus of surplus-fetish
. Will: Both parties deserve their pain

A Politician's fetish is the rapidly dwindling national budget surplus. I don't think I need to elaborate at all. I just like reading the headline over and over and over again... while I'm wearing nipple clips and a ball gag.

What fun.

. Opinions: My principles put me in jail

Faced with the statistics that violence in America's schools is at a 25 year low - even with all of the highly publicized school shootings as of late...

Tonight on Dateline:
THE PRINCIPAL ATTACKS!!

A top national school principals is caught setting up high school students in his school by placing into their lockers: drug paraphernalia, naked pictures of Yule Brenner, and 'hit lists' which are in fact the principals own 'hit on' fantasy lists. His motivations are unclear - other than he "really dug the hot chick from the news."

As the principal was being lead away he was heard to say,

"I did it all for Con-eeee Chung!"

. Gas up 6 cents a gallon in two weeks

Our Energy Policy Smenercy Policy requires great Strategerie

. E-tailers eager for a Merry Christmas

E-tailers are also eager for any fool to buy their stock.

. Evert: Venus is rising for U.S. Open

For the poets out there who know me, and are from the Providence Worcester scene, this head line is for you.

It's nice to see Ed's poetry finally making it to the big time. Big time sports even!

. Newsweek: Armani keeps control

(scene: a large design studio, man and woman standing, fade to light)

"Give me the patterns, you have no talent!"

"No, they're mine."

"Give me the patterns, you're washed up!"

"No, they're mine."

"Give me the patterns, I want to be just like Martha!"

"No, they're mine."

"Give me the patterns, I want us to sell to K-Mart!"

"No, they're mine."

"Give me the patterns, we don't make enough underwear!!"

"No, but I'll let you touch my winky..."

"Ok."

"Just once."

(curtain)



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





Long time no update. - 12.19.09

Clinton or Obama? - 2007-10-04

Two workshop Providence paid gig - looking for instructor - 2007-10-03

Big brother - 2007-09-26

Favorites - 2007-08-30