� answers �
Phew, I'm back. It was a tough two days, but from what I saw, Jen's family dealt with everything pretty well. A lot of tears, but there were just as many - if not more happy moments as family members recounted stories of their experiences with their Grandfather. Remember, if you can cry, you can laugh as well... the two emotions are closer than you would expect.
So every Wednesday I become The Answer Guy. If you need advice or need the answer to something, click on any of the � advice links on this site and ask anything you would like to.
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name: m0ok
email: [email protected]
url: http://m0ok.diaryland.com
Question:
Overnight, my penis has grown antlers. I have cut appropriate holes in my trouser legs and tried to pass this off by claiming that I wear 'novelty underwear'. However, I'm expected at a swingers' party next weekend, and I'm not sure how to handle it.
Answer:
Here's what you do. You go to the hardware store and buy a mini auger. It hollows things out - they attach to drills and can cut wider diameter holes.
Next, get some all weather epoxy.
Next, go to the local sex shop and buy as many dildos as you have antler peni (plural of penis.)
Make sure the dildos are sturdy.
Next, go to the pharmacy and get two 30 packs of condoms.
Now, hollow out all the dildos, and then attach one to each of your penile antler spikes with the epoxy.
Sit still for at least 30 minutes, and let the epoxy set, and be sure to wait at least 2 and 1/2 hours before you go to the swinger's party for the epoxy to harden. (No, that was not a pun. I am serious here.)
Once you get to the party, "unveil" yourself.
Have fun.
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name: Milkmaid
email:
url: http://milkmaid.diaryland.com
Question:
From time to time, I will purchase a carton of non-fat milk, and even though it is still well within the "freshness" period, the milk inside tastes like fish... Why is that? How can milk taste like seafood. And, it's not just me - I've given a sample to others, and they tell me the same thing. FISH! This is very puzzling. Please help. Thank you for your time.
Answer:
Do you have fish in your refrigerator?
What are your shopping habits? Do you pick up the milk towards the beginning of your grocery store shopping experience and then carefully and gently place the rest of your food items into your sensuous and gentle grocery cart of love?
Ahem, I mean... does your milk have a chance to warm up in the car ride home?
There have been many cases where grocery stores re-label food that expires to a later date, but that's mostly with meat.
Also, check your refrigerator settings and make sure the milk is never kept on the door but in the back of your fridge, milk on the door stays at a higher temperature than that kept in the back.
Second to lastly, if you live with someone, make sure that person is not leaving the milk out behind your back.
Lastly, are you being poisoned? If it persists and you start to feel strange in any way, have yourself tested.
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name: reality
email: [email protected]
url: http://reality.diaryland.com
Question:
I was pondering this question all weekend and searched then net and haven't come up with anything of use and I thought you may have an idea or two.
The situation:
This weekend my boyfriend and I put together a list of chores and divied them up between us.
The question:
How can I keep us both motivated get them done. More specifically, how can I keep him motivated to do his chores every week?
My thoughts:
I thought about giving him one of my chores every time he didn't complete one (or vice versa), but I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement rather than negative. Thus I'd like to be able to reward him for a job well done. However, I'm poor and can't afford to buy him something every time he does his work and can't keep this up.
How can I motivate him (us), John Powers?
Answer:
Oral sex.
I MEAN... schedule your chores. Do your own while you are both home and have him do his at the same time. Set a schedule - same time every week and if you are working at something - he will be much less likely to sit on his ass and watch you work. Say you are picking up the clutter, have him vacuum at the same time.
That's what works for Jen and I - and I can be a lazy motha "don't make me smack you!!".
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name: Hello Newman 2001
email:
url: http://hellonewman.diaryland.com
Question:
Mr. Powers, sir, maybe you could help me with a question concerning my socks. Why is it that you only ever get a hole in one sock out of the pair? You see, this is a problem, because I feel guilty throwing one good sock away, but I can't keep piling good single socks in the back of my drawer. It simply won't take the strain.
Answer:
Here's the plan.
1) You are going to throw out your orphan socks. They're not sentient, so relax, you're not hurting anyone, and unless you sew two buttons on them, sew some yarn above the buttons, and then give them away as lame puppets, they are really quite useless.
2) You are then going to go out to the store and buy four packages of socks. Two packages of black socks, and two packages of white socks.
3) When ever you lose another sock that is neither black nor white, you are then going to throw out it's mate.
Trust me, so very few people can pull off the two non matching socks style now that the 80's are over, and really, how many Shaboom's outfits do you really need?
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name: Piper
email: [email protected]
url: http://white-rook.diaryland.com
Question:
This question, unfortunately, is rather serious... usually mine are pretty light-hearted.
I am currently away at college, in Indiana. Back home in Detroit, I'm seeing a guy by the name of Mike. This distance isn't a problem, I am a distant person by nature. My distant-ness is the problem. I like him, I really do, yet I am certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that I will be breaking his heart into a million pieces sometime soon. I have the world's worst tendency to do this... and on purpose, I have to add. I don't want to hurt him, I don't to hurt myself, and most of the time I pretty much don't want myself to be happy.
Should I still give this a try, or should I quit while I'm ahead, before I do any more lasting damage? I'm not a tease, I swear... I am just against the idea of ever being satisfied.
Answer:
You're never going to be happy until you let yourself happy, and you're never going to let yourself be happy until you're happy with yourself.
With that in mind, I'd ask yourself if you're just better off finding someone you could have something less serious with at school - instead of committing yourself to someone quite far away.
It sounds to me as if you're just not ready to be in a serious relationship right now and you might be better off playing the field.
(johnpowers puts on a cool grandmother mask and dons a cool grandmother voice modulator)
"You're young, you're free, have fun while you can still flaunt it! Pretty soon you'll be old like me and stuck with this guy."
*cool grandmother persona points to an old dude asleep in a chair*
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name: clover imp
email: [email protected]
url: http://findyourself.diaryland.com
Question:
How do you know when you're truly ready to marry someone? How do you know they're the right person? Some people these days may consider marriage disposable, but I do not. I would just like to know how a person can be sure...
Answer:
First you have to know that you yourself are actually ready for marriage. If you're convinced of that, make sure your partner is truly ready as well.
How do you do that?
It depends. Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with the same person? Are you confident this person will continue to satisfy your emotional and physical needs? Are you both mature enough to handle the stresses of not having to work out your differences instead of just having the option to not deal with them because you have the knowledge that the both of you can just leave the one other if it gets too rough? Do you love each other or are you together because it's easier than breaking up? Are you compatible on almost every level or is it already a struggle?
You get the idea.
All I can say is that you will know when you're ready, because you won't be able to imagine yourself with anyone else - ever...
and if you do decide to get married, do so with the knowledge that the real work will begin after you so get married, because things do change, and as people grow they change and it's that change over the years that you will now have to do together.
