� The Patrick Stewart and Jean-Claude Van Damme Horrorscopes! �
I can't believe it is Friday already and since every Friday is Horoscope day - Horoscopes and meal advice for the weekend, I am going to have to dispel that non belief just for you and bring to you The Patrick Stewart and Jean-Claude Van Damme Horrorscopes!
Yesterday I hosted the slam. It ran really late but everyone seemed to enjoy the show. Talk about draining though... sheesh.
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The Patrick Stewart and Jean-Claude Van Damme Horrorscopes!
Aries 3/20-4/18
There is no Universal Soldier in this day and age. Sometimes it feels as if there's nothing we you can do, hell even when China stole the Children of Tibet nothing could be done. But you can, oh you can, you can insist actions are taken appropriately - by those around you personally as well as your government. Toast. Toast with butter.
Taurus 4/19-5/19
Knock Off the heroics, you're not an X-Men. If you spend all of your time worrying about others then you will eventually find a gaping hole of need in yourself. At least don't take it all on yourself, try a Double Team. Relax, rent Star Trek: Insurrection or some other movie. Spend time on yourself. Popcorn.
Gemini 5/20-6/20
Is the media a Cinema of Vengeance? Is The Prince of Egypt richer than me? Hell yes, so turn off the TV. Stop checking the web for news. There's nothing to hear and there will be nothing to hear for quite a while - and even when something does happen it won't mean what you think. Having to trust can sometimes suck, but you have to do it. Shrimp Scampi.
Cancer 6/21-7/21
The Quest for reconciliation can be yours. You can do it. He's no Dad Savage, even if you're convinced as such. Take the time you have and use it now, because once they're gone that's it. Really, don't be wondering what if or if only I... someday. It doesn't have to be that way. Taste the patty.
Leo 7/22-8/22
The Maximum Risk you will experience this weekend should not exceed the amount of damages you can pay based on your debt to equity ratio and reserve of savings. Masterminds of trouble don't always consider the fall out and if you're going to tag along, you're going to have to take that job. Make it a cheese... burger.
Virgo 8/23-9/21
You're not a Cyborg, you need rest. You're not getting enough sleep, enough vegetables, vitamins, and loving. Insist on more loving. Popular Conspiracy Theory has it that we are all over worked and over committed because of some master plan to make us all placid like cattle and thus cause less trouble. Resist! Green Beans.
Libra 9/21-10/22
Time the Cop in your area and make your get away when he's just rounding the corner. You need to escape. Go on a trip to Canterville looking for Ghosts, or someplace. Sometimes things are only illegal according to your nature. Flan.
Scorpio 10/21-11/21
Distance yourself from the Street Fighter types. They're living in the past and really, no one wants to brawl, they just don't know how to express themselves. Use aggressive tactics upon your First Contact with the person. You know the person. Yes, that one. Yumm. Margarita.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/20
They have Nowhere to Run, they'll eventually come around. Jeffrey was a childhood kid I knew. He was the fattest 6 year old I ever saw and as I grew up, he seemed to grow outward. He was one of the nicest people I ever met. So don't discount a person until you get to speak at length with them. Salad with Jalepenos.
Capricorn 12/21-1/20
The Last Action Hero figure I killed was Luke SkyWalker, and apart from my affinity for Darth Vader, I am sure there was a reason for it that underplayed my attraction to the dark side, so when you see the children killing their plastic Gunmen, there will be a reason for that too... and its healthy. French Fries with Mayonnaise.
Aquarius 1/21-2/19
Flying flies make for a Hard Target, so let them land before letting the bloody swat fly. Of course Official Denial of your actions might be in order if your fly is human sized... and you should do that - you should live to swat another day - especially when they do deserved it. Corn on the Cob.
Pisces 2/20-3/19
You can have the Heart of a Lion even though you're a Pisces. Its ok to let that part of you out. Roar if you need to. Chase down that which you are after and that which you desire most. Go for the brass ring, go for the cause, be Robin Hood, be like Men in Tights - carefree about their bulges! Kielbasa.
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