�� new old this that ��

11.26.01.12:34 pm

� Headlines �

Every Monday I used to write recaps of the day's headlines.

Well, for now they're back...

MARINES LAND

Over 1,000 all purpose use Marines are on the ground in Afghanistan while that country rapidly descends into warlordism.

Joy. Everyone start thinking happy thoughts.

Quickly.

Fighters killed in Afghan prison riot
� Pro-bin Laden prisoners fire rockets

"Hi, we're the Northern Alliance."

"Hi, we're Taliban who want to surrender."

"Do you have any conditions?"

"Yes, if we surrender, we want to be held prisoner where you store many of your guns, ammunitions, and rocket launchers."

"Sounds fair..."

Lots of shoppers, not much buying
� Spending light on key retail weekend

I went shopping this weekend and I bought two large coffees, a large iced coffee, and a knit watch cap from the Army Surplus store down the street from my house.

Oh, I also bought two hot pockets - a Kafta and a Kabob - from East Side Pockets.

Sergeant served U.S., bin Laden
� WSJ: Tale shows FBI's terror failings

The headline just about says it all.

Mideast violence threatens talks
� Latest bombing hits Gaza border

While the stakes are much higher, this all reminds me of two kids in a school yard refusing to stop hitting each other back until the other stops first.

(Smack) "Ow!"

(Thud) "Ahh!"

"Stopit"

(Smack) "Ow!"

"No you stopit first."

(Thud) "Ahh!"

(Smack)

Afghan warlords reassert control
� Newsweek: Carving up the nation

Marjan is the only lion left in the Kabul Zoo.

Marjan is partially crippled, with pieces of his once great mane blown to tatters. Blind and toothless, he's old enough at 48 to have endured the reign of King Zahir Shah, the monarch who now wants to return from his three-decades-long exile in Rome and help organize a new coalition government. The last time anyone tried to do that was in 1992, when victorious mujahedin divvied up the spoils of a Soviet defeat.

One mujahed came down from the Panjshir Valley, and since Panjshir means "Five Lions," he thought he would climb into the enclosure and introduce himself to Marjan, sort of lion to lion. Marjan mauled him to death before anyone could intervene.

The victim's brother came back and took revenge, tossing a hand grenade into the enclosure. It only mangled Marjan, but killed his mate. During the Taliban's six years, the lion somehow managed to survive the famine that wiped out most of the other big animals in the zoo, and no American bombs came in his direction.

Now some help is on its way.

A Western aid group donated a fresh shank of meat, and the old lion is busy gumming it, although alley cats brazenly steal the best morsels.

Like Marjan the lion, Afghanistan is not so much savoring its new liberation as nursing old wounds.

For now, the situation on the ground that lead to the Taliban being welcomed at first into power is rapidly developing again.

� WSJ: Banks, U.S. aim to share data

This means we're going to be able to go after and catch criminals who are a little smarter. Before we would only catch the really stupid ones who kept all of their money in one bank and used a few accounts to do all of their business.'

Now the smarter ones who split up their money between three banks might be in some trouble...

� WSJ: Why lipstick sales bring frowns

'Experts' are saying when women stop spending money on luxury items such as new dresses (don't ask me why a new dress is a luxury or why it can't be pants, I just recap here folks...) they switch to lip stick to indulge themselves.

Yes, they are saying lipstick is an economic indicator.

� Intel touts trillion switches a second

By 2007 we will have Pentium 3421's that operate at a trillion hertz. Now we have 2 gigahertz processors. Someday soon we will have 1 terahertz processors.

This excites me very much, because I am sure by 2007 my bosses here at work will have replaced my PII-250 with at least a PIII-450 and I'll be writing code on something with less power than my cell phone.

� Shuttle set for first wartime launch

As if Al-Qaida have missiles that can reach Cape Canaveral. As if an astronaut is going to turn out of be a suicide pilot.

"Jim... Jim! Where are you taking the shuttle??!?!"

"Down the Hudson..."

Nahh.

� Nasal allergy sprays may work better

It is true. They do. Nasal allergy sprays work much better than anal allergy suppositories.

Also, do not attempt to spray the nasal allergy spray into your butt instead of the suppository - while slightly more effective, it is not worth the sideways glances in the bathroom at work.

� WashPost: Redskins continue to win

Football schmootball. The Patriots still suck.



�� new old this that ��
            














Since Feb 2001





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