Every Friday is horoscope day - today is Friday and I'm late. File a suit or something.
Last night's Poetry Slam was great. We had well over 80 people in there perhaps more.
Sage was really great. I even bought three of his CD's and I never ever ever buy product. I guess I'm just too jaded by now to want more poetry but I had to make an exception in this case.
Anyway, here are the HORRORSCOPES!!!
aries
March 21 - April 19
Heck, even Madonna has taken up pheasant hunting. Somehow she's equating
firing lead pellets at defenseless birds to getting back to nature. If she
can do it, you can to. Take up date hunting. Go out and track down dates,
then shoot them with your charms. Please do not vomit at this tack...ily
worded horoscope, or the dates you pick out.
taurus
April 20 - May 20
Get it all done now - you'll feel much better about things - that much
sooner. Cure the rash, clip the toe nails, bend over and retrieve the soap!
gemini
May 21 - June 21
You're getting old. We all are. Use that experience to counsel a friend.
If you don't know what you're talking about, do the homework fast.
cancer
June 22 - July 22
You will find yourself singing along to a GAP commercial - yet still not
shopping at the store. Clearly a failed campaign. Consider changing your
tactics when it comes to attraction and benefits.
leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Once a day take an aspirin, a Tylenol, and 5 glasses of water. This is the
secret to long life. If your life really sucks, I suggest not doing this,
the pain will be over that much sooner. Think uplifting thoughts.
virgo
Aug 23 - Sept 22
As the days get shorter the nights grow longer... Now there's a real
brilliant observation! Get outside during the day and let yourself be
exposed to bright light for at least 20 minutes if not longer.
libra
Sept 23 - Oct 23
Christmas pagent - radio city music hall - New York City. If you can go,
go. If you can't sing softly to yourself as you watch it's a wonderful
life.
scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Get a hair cut. Cut it short. Short short short. Get the special from the
hair cut board at the hair cut place that says 'SHORT AS FUCK' - yeah that
short hair cut. Cry. Cry at your long hair failings. Get over it.
Rejoice. Rejoice in your new found freedoms from weekly purchases of
shampoo and conditioner. Rinse lather repeat.
saggittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Throw caution to the wind! Give up all those inhibitions! Live
dangerously! Go nuts - go gangbusters! Order the oysters. Get your meat
cajun grilled. Make it a cheese... burger!
capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
If you see a midget clown riding on the back of the bus with a trick knee
and a doughnut to sit on, check for reflective surfaces. Pinch yourself.
aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
The microwave will not run for two minutes because again you will not let it complete it's cycle. You will not hear the ding - Do not go with the flow. Insist on talking about your feelings on the
subject. Pull his muscles if you have to - While reviewing old possibilities, you will be envigorated by the process
and settle for the same old. Same old is bad, use a towel to dry off after
showering. You're not laundry - drip drying sucks.
pisces
Feb 19 - March 20
A big burley man named Earl with no strange things in his pocket will not
walk by you while you are off the street.
