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° The Jaded and Angsty Horrorscopes °

Friday is Horoscope day however today is also tired johnpowers day because I didn't get to sleep until about 2 in the morning.

Last night I competed in my own slam's semi finals. I placed second so I'm now in my own finals in June. Jared - that bastard - placed first and scored perfect 30's all three rounds. David Gonzales and a guy named Tony took the last two top spots so the four of us will be competing again as the summer nears. (Jared is my friend and I'm just kidding so don't send emails...)

There were well over 200 people in the club last night. It was amazing. I had to have people sit on the sides of the stage, people were sitting on every free space on the floor, I found every available chair in the club's basement, and still there were 50 people standing the whole show. Intense is just a word, but it's a fitting word.

If you want to hear the last round of last night's slam, I recorded it and set it to stream off of my Real Audio Server on www.gotpoetry.com - or just click here to listen. The poem I perform is at about 12 minutes 16 seconds into the recording, so skip ahead if *cough* *cough* you only care about me.

Have I ever mentioned how much heat 200 people can generate? Believe me, humans being used as batteries in The Matrix was dead on.

Anyway, enough about me, it's not like this is my DIARY or anything...

The Horrorscopes

Jan 20 - Feb 18

FYI, according to the stars, the Sun and you should still be together. Of course the stars also say sticking their hands and shoes into cement in front of a gentrifying movie theatre in California is an honor and not an excuse to buy new footwear, so examine other people's motivation this weekend. Tofurkey.

Feb 19 - March 20

Your stars are out of alignment. I suggest taking them to Midas and getting their oil changed at the same time. If you read your manual you would have seen that there is required maintenance every 30 divinations, I wouldn't need to remind you, and you'd have gotten a much better horrorscope. Humus and falafel in a pocket with lots of veggies.

March 21 - April 19

Good things come to those who wait and even better things will be comming to you. Go through all of your pockets, look through your closet and your coats. Do it now. I'll wait... Back? See? Yeah. Told you.

April 20 - May 20

Once again in the great scheme of things you were missing. Splitting yourself between the old and the new is affecting your personality, not that you're crazy, but you're more crazy about the new than the old and that will hold up in a competency hearing. Avoid Vienna... Sausage. Rice Pilaf.

May 21 - June 21

Unless you have been surgically altered, it is time for you to get some action. If you've been surgically altered, I cannot guarantee this horrorscope, but still - do the deed. Unfortunately you're not going to meet anyone but a security guard at the Olympics. Try a tea bar and work your libido urge-need-o's that way. Sushi - eat sushi - just to be ordinary - before you search or at least until you find your s.o.

June 22 - July 22

Ice - this week's theme for you is ice. Not Ice Ice Baby, but frozen water. Ice cream, ice sculpture, Ice House beer, cake icing, a penalty in hockey, ice on your _______ while you're having ___ or just become a bobsledder. It's your choice. Just don't go ice fishing as that's a risky pastime as of late. Hot Chocolate.

July 23 - Aug 22

Go to the woods the next time it snows. Walk through the trees as gentle flakes fall. Get wet - get cold - warm up with something that makes you happy. Call the person you have been meaning to - it will be interesting. Work it baby. Send johnpowers an email saying he rocks - even if you know he hasn't really rocked since 1988. Eat a cheese burger.

Aug 23 - Sept 22

There are some plans that you need to help make. Sit them down and get them to get a few things down and recorded so that you can relax about at least one more thing this weekend. Your bucket is pretty full and it just may spill a little, but don't worry, there are plenty of people around to hand you a towel. Coffee & Cake.

Sept 23 - Oct 23

Things are going exceptional for you - whether you realize it or not. You are cared for by so many people - even if you can't see it. Finish what you have started and then take a nap, then putter around, take another nap, get up drink a glass of water, then go to bed for a while. For three days next week, get an extra hour of sleep and then compare. French onion soup is neither French nor just onions - eat it anyway.

Oct 24 - Nov 21

You have the world before you. The world is a firm carrot ready to be used or abused - the question comes down to packaging. Every cloud has either a silver lining or a carcinogenic content. When the world serves you lemonade, scream at it that you wanted ice tea. Pinch the ass of the next person who deals you 4 disguised cliché's in a row so hard they cry. Tiramisu. Order the tiramisu.

Nov 22 - Dec 21

You may be the son of sha clack clack but you are also before that. You are before - before. Before death is eternity, there is no death there is only eternity and you be riding on the wings of eternity like hya hya sha clack clack get me the hell off this horrorscope track. Eat some of Virgo's cake. capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19

The moon has moved onto you. Don't you feel special? Other than that, you have no horoscope today. You can either take this as a sign you are going to die or you have a chance to start fresh with a few things. If you are a suicidal person, take the other 11 people's horoscopes for your own. The possibilities are endless.

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Since Feb 2001

Long time no update. - 12.19.09

Clinton or Obama? - 2007-10-04

Two workshop Providence paid gig - looking for instructor - 2007-10-03

Big brother - 2007-09-26

Favorites - 2007-08-30