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° The Jaded and Angsty Horrorscopes °

Friday is Horoscope day however today is also tired johnpowers day because I've been running around all morning trying to retrieve my stolen motorcycle...

Let me just say it is in sorry shape, but it could have been worse. I'll let you know more Saturday - after the shock wears off and I take a nap.

Oh, all the Clix! links are designed to make me feel better. Mentally feel better. I'll let you know if they do the job.

The Horrorscopes

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Do not ignore the hesitancy of those around you. Address the envelope holding the short list of issues – it will do wonders for the stress level in your surroundings. For dinner, stick to dry food for all beings in your dwelling. If some of those beings are covered in fur and are not just male Homo Sapiens, stick to dry food permanently. Clix!

Feb 19 - March 20

Enjoy your trip, make the most of it, it'll be fun. Buy new sunscreen and eat some greens. Smoke is bad for you - get away from it. Chances are it's going to be a good weekend, so take advantage of it. Waffles. Clix!

March 21 - April 19

Right now you’re probably too optimistic for your own good. Just keep your options open. You’re lacking protein. You have a dirty mind. You need to let go of some of the details. Beware of too much self deprecation. Take a break from the rich foods and red meat – the Gout’s a bitch... Clix!

April 20 - May 20

Go against your nature, throw caution to the wind. Living a life in fear is no life at all, but being smart about it helps the next day's sunrise rise brighter and hopeful. Use your imagination as you love because you know who loves you, you can just tell. Salad greens. Tackle them with your body and then your lips. Clix!

May 21 - June 21

Make good on the plans you made during the last week. Remember, there is no such thing as a free lunch. Keep the purse strings tight and with patience you reach what you are seeking. Walk more. Fruit. Eat lots of fruit. Clix!

June 22 - July 22

DO NOT WEAR THE WHITE SHOES – IT IS NOT YET MEMORIAL DAY! Trust me. You deserve everything you have coming to you. Short of lying cheating and stealing, do what you have to – to get it. Well… lie cheat and steal if you have to. Pot roast. Clix!

July 23 - Aug 22

Sunblock... Use more Sunblock. Have you ever seen an old piece of bacon? That will be you if you don't use the block. Want proof? Email me, I have pictures. Yogurt in a tube. Nasty in thought, appealing in taste. Try the yogurt. You have a creamy weekend theme. Clix!

Aug 23 - Sept 22

Spend a little extra time pampering yourself. Stay in the shower until the water runs cool. Remember friends you haven’t spoken to lately – before they become old friends. Now -you’re- lacking protein – at least eat some alfalfa. Clix!

Sept 23 - Oct 23

Take your money and run… unless there’s a bus coming. If a bus is coming, stop running, wait for it to pass, then keep running. Run all the way to the nearest diner and order anything but the Sun Chips. Those things will be nasty. Try a number from the menu between 7 and 9. Clix!

Oct 24 - Nov 21

Your refrigerator is going to shut off and then turn back on again. Take tickling to the next level - torture... until you get what you want. When they try to tickle you back, tell them you're not ticklish and they're just being annoying. Candy. Clix!

Nov 22 - Dec 21

It's all about layers. Layers keep you warm, layers keep you cool, layers make for hella-good tasting deserts. You're weekend theme is layers - even if it's in a body sandwich. Clix! capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19

You will feel torn between the familiar and comfortable versus the new and exciting. You will want the new domino’s deep dish pizza, but nooo nooo it will not go well. Clix!

«« new old this that »»

Since Feb 2001

Long time no update. - 12.19.09

Clinton or Obama? - 2007-10-04

Two workshop Providence paid gig - looking for instructor - 2007-10-03

Big brother - 2007-09-26

Favorites - 2007-08-30