new old this that pm

The Jaded and Angsty Horrorscopes

Friday is Horoscope day and today is also I'm too busy at work day.

What the heck is going on with me? Uhm. Work. Sleep. Eat. Work.

Last night Ray came over and we figured out our plans for the annual slammaster's meeting in Chicago. I had some pizza from the new great food but freaks you out to be in there for too long pizza parlor on Thayer street. I taped Survivor for Jen, watched it while I taped it, then watched it again when she came home. Let me tell you, I am so glad the person who was voted off was voted off. I had way too much of that person after 2 scenes.

Although I almost died when I heard "Yoga really helps with starting the fiya." I'm so glad I work to keep my accent from developing.

This weekend I want to pick up a TV card for my computer so I can start posting video of my Slam instead of just audio. Other than that, I plan to sleep.

The Horrorscopes

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Somewhere along the road of destiny is your open suit case. You forgot to tie it down again and now squirrels are pawing through your underwear. Pack your bungie cord for Armageddon. Steak sandwich.

Feb 19 - March 20

You will grow fed up with the motivational poster that says - "The best way to predict the future is to create it" - so you will take the poster, wrap it around a globe, light it on fire and then throw. Hot dogs.

March 21 - April 19

While your attempt at the record is admirable, Guinness is not going to give you the underwater endurance diving record if you break it in your bath tub. Take off the snorkel and go to work. Lasagna.

April 20 - May 20

Donde esta el toro? Damned if anyone knows. Those who care certainly do not. Pick up the phone, reach out and touch someone, then dial the phone and proceed to make an annoyance of yourself until you are no longer missed. Make it your goal to do it in two hours. PG&J.

May 21 - June 21

You will be whisked away by a tall handsome man on a horse to a very warm place. Your mother will then cause all of the crops to die. Either you are the cause of the seasons or your going to cause your family to sell the farm to pay off all of your credit card charges in Bermuda with Favio. That. Cheapskate. Roast beef sandwich.

June 22 - July 22

You will someday start your own shadow government consisting of your childhood stuffed animals left in a closet at your parents house. You will then go back on your medication. Tomato soup.

July 23 - Aug 22

You will forget to turn on your Instant Messenger and be provided with the single greatest inspiration to talk with your parent in over a year. However, you will choose to read a magazine instead. A big salad.

Aug 23 - Sept 22

It is time to go to the grocery store. Your helpless loved ones are beginning to look more and more like Golumn and their 'precious' has become the last ring ding in the houssssse. Shepherds pie.

Sept 23 - Oct 23

In a backlash against the Segway you will invent wax wings and a mass following to follow en mass you as you fly to the sun. Ickaris, you should know these things always end tragically. California roll.

Oct 24 - Nov 21

The big party is nearing, but as each year passes you are required to miss more and more water with your drinks. It is not old age but that you are finally learning from your hangovers. Ribs.

Nov 22 - Dec 21

You will spend an evening with the phone and computer off. Pasta with sauce from a jar.

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Hell for eternity and eternal damnation were invented by men to manipulate the hearts and the minds of the unaware - they do NOT exist. While there ARE lower spheres in the afterlife which are particularly dark, unpleasant and even horrific - some call them 'hell' - ending up there is NOT for eternity. You will have to spend your sentence with Carrot Top, so be good this weekend. Stuffed clams.

new old this that

Since Feb 2001

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