new old this that pm

The Jaded and Angsty Horrorscopes

Last night's poetry slam went well. Marlon from Boston won after Bernard went over time for something like the 3rd slam in a row. Bernard had two poems go over time for a total of 2 points off last night. Even so, they tied at the end of three rounds with a score of 86.0 a piece. So we went to a fourth round where Marlon won by 2 tenths of a point.

The show didn't end until 12:30. Kwesi Davis went a little over time with his feature, which was fine because he really held the audience, and I let too many people in the open mic, so the late ending was my fault. Even so it was a good solid night.

I didn't get to bed until 2 in the morning, but I made it to work on time, so all is well. I'm going to fall asleep at my desk and drool on my keyboard, but all is well.

A few books were sold out of the Slam Store last night - which was very cool. I'm thinking about buying a few copies of SlamNation and the 2000 National Poetry Slam video to re-sell. Not that we make any money off of anything sold - but because it will expose more people to poetry. Which is, I guess, the whole point of this Poetry Slam thing anyway.

ANYWAY, I write these horoscopes every Friday as everyone but first time readers knows, so enjoy.

The Horrorscopes

March 21 - April 19

Cloning is on the horizon, so perhaps it is time to copyright your DNA. It will only cost you 1,500 dollars, so give it some thought. Of course you could just pay down a credit card and thumb your nose at certain fear mongers masquerading as reporters. Ham and Cheese Omelet with Fried Potatoes Clix!

April 20 - May 20

Exhibit strength by breaking a candy bar into 4 pieces and only eating 1 of the pieces. Find a kid, share the experience, and chances are you will give them one of those lasting memories that pleasantly haunts into adulthood. "What was that all about?" Baked Beans Clix!

May 21 - June 21

One day the disembodied spirit of Bill Gates will torment you nightly because of all the times you prematurely canceled out of the blue Microsoft Scan Disk screen of despair. Vegetable Quesadillas Clix!

June 22 - July 22

Cancel the trip to McDonalds. They're selling cheap imitations of designer dolls in happymeals just to hook young girls and start them along the path to heart disease that much sooner... and you don't even like dolls. Anymore. New York Strip Clix!

July 23 - Aug 22

Oh where oh where has your sense of humor gone? Perhaps it is stuck under the ten pounds of stress you keep carrying around on your head. Consider a spa or punching someone in the face. Smoked Salmon Salad Clix!

Aug 23 - Sept 22

Perseverance. Remember the late worm evades the early bird, so consider sleeping in a little more. Not that you need to be anymore of a workaholic night owl, just hang in there and the good things will come. Shepard's Pie Clix!

Sept 23 - Oct 23

The number of people who want to 'know' the universe is astounding, especially when it's so hard to find your way around Chinatown. You will benefit greatly by learning the location of a few constellations in your night sky. Chicken Sandwich Clix!

Oct 24 - Nov 21

How tired are we? Very tired. We descended from apes who slept whenever they wanted, now we just dress up like them on Halloween yet we rarely dream. You'll be missed after you graduate to a new level. Fish and Chips Clix!

Nov 22 - Dec 21

The amount of work that you have lined up is astounding. Perhaps you should take on a third job and just suffer the heart attack now. At least those around you will stop and pause before they pile on even more. Reuben Sandwich Clix!

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Consider the impossibility of doughnut holes. How can you eat the lack of something? Point this out to the next person who utters Munchkin in you presence. Bacon, eggs, sausage, white pudding, black pudding, baked beans, grilled mushrooms, grilled tomatoes and or Brown Bread Clix!

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Narcissus drowned because he couldn't bear to look away from his reflection. Buy the premadona in your life a hand mirror and you'll have one less funeral to go to. Tell them it's a life preserver and walk away. Buttermilk Pancakes Clix!

Feb 19 - March 20

It may take a village to raise a child, but it only takes a few bozos overreacting to ruin an adult. Shelly? The Lottery? There's no difference between now and then except that it's even easier to hurl an accusation than it is to find a rock, pick it up and brain someone. Caramel apple Pie with Ice Cream Clix!

new old this that

Since Feb 2001

Long time no update. - 12.19.09

Clinton or Obama? - 2007-10-04

Two workshop Providence paid gig - looking for instructor - 2007-10-03

Big brother - 2007-09-26

Favorites - 2007-08-30