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05.11.02.2:20 pm

° The Jaded and Angsty Horrorscopes °

Taurus 4/19-5/19
I really wouldn’t stand for what’s going on, now would you? Now grab all you can and watch your back at work or school. Pet a cat.

Gemini 5/20-6/20
Clearing the air is a good idea. Bring up that topic you've been hesitant to discuss and talk it over with the one you love. Buy more peanut butter.

Cancer 6/21-7/21
You MUST keep and read the directions you next get. You might find your self talking to a younger annoying person.

Leo 7/22-8/22
You will feel torn between the familiar and comfortable versus the new and exciting. You will want the new domino’s deep dish pizza, but nooo nooo it will not go well.

Virgo 8/23-9/21
Stop martyring yourself. It’s not your fault and you can’t do anything about it. If you’ve never smoked, consider doing it for one week, then quit. You will have something to focus on every time you hear someone has cancer.

Libra 9/21-10/22
Both sides in your next dispute will never be happy. They just wont. Skim the surface and move on quickly; other people in your life – besides them – require your full attention. Wear the blue outfit.

Scorpio 10/21-11/21
Relax and enjoy the next thing offered to you. You deserve pleasure. Stay away from the fish.

Sagittarious 11/22-12/20
Stay home from work. Call in or use a vacation day. Make sure you take ‘license’ in your daily matters. Drink more coffee

Capricorn 12/21-1/20
Relax and try not to be so damn conservative. Focus on the heart of the issue and not what you view as ‘right.’ Order a very high number on the extra value meal chart.

Aquarius 1/21-2/19
Now's the time to discuss what you and your beloved want from your relationship. Make sure you at least pretend to be listening. Try a pickled egg at least once in the next 4 years.

Pisces 2/20-3/19
Re-examine your so-called religion. Take a much closer look at what’s really important to you.

Aries 3/20-4/18
It’s time to do something for yourself this weekend. It’s been too long since you have. Better yet, make your partner do it. Prime rib is out.



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Since Feb 2001





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