new old this that

06.21.02.5:36 pm

Jaded and Angsty Horrorscopes

I'm tired today, but friends will be comming over later. Hopefully I don't die before then.

Taylor Mali was the feature at the slam I had this past Wednesday. What a great show. It was a youth regional and damn, they could show the adults a thing or two.

The Horrorscopes



gemini
May 21 - June 21

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. Consider learning to knit. Make a pot holder that begets a scarf that begets an afghan that begets a really crappy sleeping bag. The bottle will run dry.

cancer
June 22 - July 22

You will passionately reject the idea of being with it and always be out of step with it or so completely with it that you are actually out of it looking back in on it. Hamburgers with cheese lettuce tomato and onions.

leo
July 23 - Aug 22

The trouble with being normal is that it always gets worse. Much worse. Pretty soon normal will be in Illinois. Oh, wait. Sorry about your foot.

virgo
Aug 23 - Sept 22

Make your religion a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit which reveals itself in the slight details you are able to perceive with your frail and feeble mind. Yes, you will start watching CNN.

libra
Sept 23 - Oct 23

You will go to the Epcot Center where the Disney corporation has accomplished something previously thought impossible in today's world: the creation of a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life. Sort of like Attack of the Clones. You will start using Lucas as a curse word.

scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Keep this in mind for the next five years and the goddess aphrodite just may not smite you down for stealing her thunder. You will get busy.

saggittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21

Keeping a dangerous weapon out of the hands of fool. Unplug the keyboard of your friend who "knows" what's going on. Expect a semi-serious argument.

capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. Americans detest all lies except those spoken in public or published in print. You will discover a truth by Sunday.

aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18

Tell the guy that just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar. You will accidentally knock a cell phone from a strangers hand, stomp on it, and run.

pisces
Feb 19 - March 20

God is said to work in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system, likes round numbers, stopped doing miracles 2000 years ago and now only creates acts of god that get cleaned up by governments and insurance companies. You will pass the collection plate.

aries
March 21 - April 19

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. You will name your Windows operating system something nasty right after it crashes on you.

taurus
April 20 - May 20

You will become a person who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know. Yes, fame is coming your way, you are do to be the next local celebrity.



new old this that
            














Since Feb 2001





Long time no update. - 12.19.09

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