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Born Again Direction Taker

I've been working on my GotPoetry site for a while now. It's quite a bit different.

Very Professional, but you can change skins on it, just like on this site.

Uhmm. I did a short performance at Seekonk High School today. Bernard is a great guy, but he gives bad directions. At first we thought we were supposed to be there for 7:30, but then Bernard called me slightly frantic saying it was supposed to start at 6:30. Unfortunately people were heading to my house for 7 so they could get a ride from me. A few people showed up late, and then we tried to follow the directions... and so we ended up taking the stage at about 8. Oh well. Sorry Seekonk.

Anyway, a person who saw the show asked me for a poem I read at AS220 a few weeks ago... so here it is below.


The following is a paid advertisement:




You can’t be a Born Again Virgin you say?


Well yes you can!  / You can do it, there is a way, it takes a while, but you can do it.  By not doing it, for a while, a short while, 59.5 months to be exact & BANG, w/ the help of our take @ home course / You’re a Born Again Virgin.


Why only 59.5 months you ask?


Because* *Scientists say that 2 * 3  * ((17 * 7 ) / 12 ) = 59.5 & there are 12 months in a year & Sociologists say 2 is the average age you first discover your genitalia & 3 is the average age you forget about it again & 17 is the average age an American looses their virginity & Religists say loosing your virginity is supposed to be perfect & seven is supposed to be a perfect number & Politicians say America is the perfect Country & since Everybody says sex is an American institution it has been proven that:



As a Born again Virgin you will star in Porno’s (bamp chika bamp baaw) every 59.5 months & the first one would be with the spice girls on the spice channel & you’ll call it “Spice Girls & a Born Again Virgin – No Tallent - No Sex - No Problem – People will still watch (19.95)  That's all they'll want / They'll really really really want / to watch


Start your own cult, where they all wear black & no body has sex & they all worship you for not having sex first / you’ll write poem songs & you’ll sing & you’ll call em psalms & there’ll be collection & …Wait that’s been done.


As a Born Again Virgin you will convert Chelsy & then when she’s president, She’ll appoint you the Virgin Czar of America!

Get Monica arrested for still not going away

Convert Douglas Copeland, the guy who came up with the phrase Gen-X just so he has something better to think about

There’ll be condom commercials / If you can’t be like me, wear one of these

Go on Springer, Oprah, (the love line, won’t call)

Use your pent up sexual frustration to: Cure cancer, obliterate the nationl debt, win the Boston Marathon, & lobby Congress to force all hair salons to change their name to something that does not include a pun.


Have as many friends of the opposite sex as you want & hit on them guilt free, act like an ass / act like a prick / & blame it all on the fact you don’t get laid, cry in your pillow, invest in baby oil, discover the Wonderful World of Auto Erotica




As a Born Again Virgin you will not get aids, syphilis, herpes or gone-er-ree-ahh

You'll save on Laundry - "honey pass the towel"

Ignore all the cosmo headline / never diet again

Have less to be stressed about / forget about the "Ooh - Hot! - Ahh - Streamy! - the - Ungh! Powerful! - Physically - perfect - technically - profecient - mostly - unattainable -  ideals were bombarded with day after day




& yeah yeah, as a Born Again Virgin you probably won't find love

& yeah yeah, mabey love can't buy you shit

but yeah yeah, even if you have the money, the real prices we pay for sex

aren't always worth it either


(unless they're cute.) *Tax liscense and shipping not included, application after non-refundable down payment subject to approval, the following service in not available anywhere but Nevada.  Born-Again-Virginity is a copyright of John R. Powers Super Conglomeration of America.

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Since Feb 2001

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