Every Monday I write recaps of the day's headlines.
Horrific acts of Murder
25 Israelis killed by suicide attacks
Now there's a catchy headline for ya. Anyway, I as I'm sure others
keeping having less and less sympathy for the Palestinian
cause.
I mean, what is going through Palestinian terrorists minds?
"Oh no, we're not Al-Qaida, we're not the Taliban... lets keep
attacking innocent people until they give in to us..."
Uh... huh.
I don't know. I'm really tired of it all.
and Israel... Israel needs to stop retaliating, realize that it isn't blameless in all of this and make some concessions so that part of the mid-east can get the hell out of the news already.
Anthrax found at Conn. mail center
� Cross-contamination possible
Possible? Possible cross-contamination? It has already been shown
that when Anthrax letters are tossed, spun, smashed, mashed, mushed,
pushed, and generally sorted through mail processing equipment that
the spores get very very small.
So small that they pass through the envelope's pores.
BUT CROSS CONTAMINATION IS JUST possible...
Yeah right.
Enron files for bankruptcy
� Firm seeks protection, sues Dynegy
Enron was the top U.S. energy trader with $100 billion in revenues and
$1 billion in profits last year, but has unraveled with stunning speed
since mid-October when it declared a third-quarter loss and a
billion-dollar reduction in shareholder equity linked to questionable
off-balance sheet deals.
Its descent into bankruptcy was hastened as partners fled its key
energy trading business and was sealed on Wednesday when its credit
rating fell to junk status and Dynegy pulled out of a hastily arranged
merger announced Nov. 9
and how fricking fascinating is all of this?
"It's so fascinating you crapped your pants."
Actually I was going for - it's so fascinating I fell asleep already
and now have key impression on my forehead.
"You crapped your pants. Didn't you?"
Die.
Newsweek: Ashcroft unrepentant
� AG defends nationwide terror dragnet
Here's the problem with Ashcroft's tactics - erosion of civil liberties
aside. The FBI used to find terrorists, watch them, wait until they
found out who all of the people in the terrorist cell were - then they
brought down all of the morons. Also, of the 100 or so operations like
this, they have never let an act of terrorism happen either. They have
always taken them down before anything could happen.
Now, Ashcroft has them arresting suspected terrorists right away - to
deter terrorism... and if you read the previous paragraph, you'll see
why I am concerned.
18 dead in Russia plane crash
� Fire reported on military transport
(please sing the following news recap)
Be all that you can be
a dead man in a sub at the bottom of the sea
Join the Russian Army and learn to fly
be a charcoal briquette falling from the sky
Ok, that's enough.
Patriots edge Jets on late field goal
� Victory tightens race in AFC East
Uhhh.
Hrmmm.
Football. I think I like watching movies about football much more than
I like watching football itself.
Does that make me less of a man?
Seriously. What do you think?
� Many @Home customers still offline
I use @Home and I'm fine. See how it pays to live in the smallest
state in the United States.
My state is so small even bankruptcy lawyers forget about us.
"Rhode Island? We're going to cut off net access to an
island?"
"Yeah, good point Bob."
Don't laugh, I've had friends from New York City think they had to take
a boat to come visit me.
� Newsweek on an American Taliban
Yes!!! The American Taliban.
The American Taliban who said he approved of the 3000 people dieing in the World Trade Centers.
Now do you think this person would ever stand a chance of living if he came back to the U.S.?
Because I mean, with all of the 'Patriotic' people in this country I'm sure he wouldn't last very long if he decided to come back and go on Jerry Springer.
"Tonight on Jerry Springer: The American Taliban calmly discusses his
views with 300 family members of victims of the Twin Towers..."
"I am an imperialist dog. I am a capitalist pig. I am an Infidel! AND
SO ARE ALL OF YOU!!"
"Pa Pow POw"
� Opinions: Don�t chase Saddam
Opinions: Don't run with scissors.
Opinions: Don't shave your pubic hair with a cheese grater.
Opinions: Don't run naked through a gaggle of wild pit bulls with
hamburger tapped to your shaven pubic hair area.
Opinions: Don't give very obvious opinions.
� AIDS epidemic unfolds across globe
Yep. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a war on AIDS to rival the war on
terror?
Mark my words, this will destabilize quite a few governments and have
U.S. troops on the ground within 10 years.
� Notre Dame fires head coach Davie
"We need a guy with a bigger hump!"
"But no one has a hump like you sir."
"I don't care. Find someone, and why aren't you wearing yours
today?"
"I am sir..."
"You call that a hump?"
"You're fired too."
� Harrison�s fans mourn his passing
Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know
You stick around and it may show
I don't know, I don't know
Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
