TORA BORA ASSAULT!
� Al-Qaida responds with gas attack!
Continuing the non stop coverage of everything going on in Afghanistan - including rumors the Al Qaida forces are now surviving on nothing but water and 20 year old cans of baked beans...
The U.S. dropped another 15,000 pound daisy cutter bomb which kills everything in almost a 1/4 mile radius, and Osama Bin Laden and his forces responded by cutting really 'good ones' deep in their bunker and then blowing their flatulence out through the cave entrances with 1980's Russian surplus rotating desk fans.
While the anti-Taliban forces were equipped with gas masks, many ill equipped Al Qaida forces were forced to flea the complex.
Reportedly these surrendering forces turned down the 25 million dollar reward for Bin Laden in exchange for 3 cases of Bean-O.
The pentagon has refused to comment on this reports citing it cannot be independently verified.
Violence rocks Mideast peace push
� Missile strike reportedly kills child
Why not solve the Palestinian Israeli bitch slap fest with a single game of rock paper scissors?
How about LEG WRESTLING?
Arafat and Sharon in a no holds barred leg wrestling match!
First person to cry uncle has to stop retaliating and must bring deli sandwiches to the peace table.
WHO: Outbreak in Gabon is Ebola
� At least 10 have died from the illness
Ebola is some scary shit.
Bloody too.
Airline bag-check deadline looms
� WashPost: To check all by Jan. 18
You mean airlines will have to start checking ALL bags for bombs? Not just 10 percent?
Wow, that's some really progressive thinking.
Nebraska will play Miami for title
� 'Huskers barely get in over Colorado
Yes, Nebraska will be wearing Miami's uniforms while on stage of the Broadway production:
"Colorado got laid by the 'Huskers"
� 'Ocean's Eleven' swamps 'Potter'
You know what's a good movie...
Finding Forester.
I like that movie.
� Scoop: Is 'Island' harboring porn star?
Scoop: Is anyone watching Temptation Island?
(say this in your snootiest gossip columnist voice)
Whatever, along with that white rapper who likes to ride motorcycles and rap about being white trash while he earns millions, the fascination with porn stars is so year 2000
� Gasoline prices fall to two-year low
This is actually bad news. We need higher gas prices so that we as a nation will be poked and prodded into developing and buying more fuel efficient automobiles.
Car makers also need the incentive that comes from high gas prices to continue to develop fuel cell vehicles.
"Why?"
Because if it weren't for oil, we wouldn't have to get so mired in the Mid-East every decade.
If it weren't for oil we wouldn't have to listen to scientists freaking out about global warming.
If it weren't for oil we wouldn't have to send people to closed down beaches to clean birds with tooth brushes every time a tanker runs aground.
Were it not for oil, I wouldn't be harming my lungs more by walking to work every day instead of getting a ride in.
� Maybe money does buy happiness
Maybe size does matter.
Maybe men are only interested in personality.
Maybe there wasn't a second gunman on the grassy knoll.
Maybe Santa Clause wasn't invented by Coca-Cola.
� Quindlen: Home-grown terrorists
Growers are flooding the reefer market with home grown weed. South American drug cartels are demanding the U.S. put these Home-grown groups on the international list of known terrorists.
So far, only Cheney has responded with "Duuude, pass the cookies."
� Rams show they're best in the west
I thought the Rams were best in the mountains.
But the Patriots won!
"Snooore"
