Go ahead, ask johnpowers...
I write this answer and advice column once a week - every Wednesday unless forces beyond my control keep me from my self appointed duty.
"Forces?"
"Duty?"
"Shaddap, you know you understand!"
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name: esc8engn
email:
url: http://esc8engn.diaryland.com
question:
has anyone actually taken your personal advice
and been really successful?
-the engn
answer:
Yes.
I once gave Margaret Thatcher advice on her political career and look where she is now.
Joey Buttafucho - I gave him dating advice.
WWJD? That's was me and everyone used to actually ask themselves "What Would John Do?" before doing just about anything, except I never had the cash to enforce my patent on the acronym and some Christian nut cases turned it into an overly simplistic mind numbing Jesus slogan.
Hulk Hogan once asked me if he should invest in hair plugs, I told him to not bother and look where he is now. I gave the same advice to David Lee Roth and I heard he's due to appear on TRL
when he dies.
In an email I told the shoe bomber he should smuggle a flint rock on board the plane and he could just strike it against the metal plate in his head - but did he listen? Noooo.
Ani Defranco asked me how far she should get away from her folk roots and I told her way far - waaaay far. Wasn't her last album great?
And finally someone asked me if they should kill themselves, so I said "No - you can use your young adulthood torment for great later life parental torment and guilt or at the very least get yourself booked on The Sally Jesse Springer Montell Winfrey Show."
Well... 6 out of 7 isn't bad.
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name: Mad Paul
email: pgagnon999
url: http://pgagnon999.diaryland.com
question:
Dear Brother John:
When the damned dog of hope will not come home, not even to die; when the weeping goes on rattling useless chains; when your own personal hell freezes over because even the devil turns his face from you. . .
what then?
answer:
Go shopping. There's nothing like After-Christmas bargains; racks upon racks of damaged merchandise already pawed by a thousand pairs of hands of the great unwashed - half off - to either push me over the cliff edge of despair or raise me
like 99 luft balloons
towards my own inner nirvana that is a fresh and clean pair of Grinch boxer shorts.
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name: rachel
email:
url: http://protoplast.diaryland.com
question:
Question 1: Is the show Providence reflective of what life in Providence is really like?
Question 2: I realize I won't get my answer in time, but I'm curious to know your response. If my siblings (all 5 of them) have not told me what they want for Christmas does that mean I don't have to get them anything?
answer:
Question 1: Not really. The outside shot of the animal clinic in that show is actually the side of a church down the street from my old apartment. That show is actually shot in Los Angeles and every year the cast come to Providence for a few weeks to get new stock footage and do a few outside shots for the season.
Providence is a great place to live, but I think the producers of that show just like the name of the city.
Question 2: Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Just agree next year to not exchange gifts - it's so much easier that way.
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name: G.I. Ho
email:
url: http://garyhoare.diaryland.com
question:
What's the difference between a yam and a sweet potato? Is there a difference?
answer:
A sweet potato is a vegetable root that is orange in color. It is a potato that is not as bitter as the standard variety.
A yam is a verb in the vernacular of Popeye. (I yam what I yam... I'm Popeye the Sailor Man...)
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name: mixup
email: unlisted
url:
question:
Are the perpetual crashes I get with Netscape caused by Windows ME being a poor operating system, or is it me?
answer:
Windows ME is not a great OS - it has known memory leaks that cause many apps to crash. I am not a big fan of Netscape either. That browser crashes a lot as well. The combination of the two would seem like hell to me.
Either get Windows XP (which has never crashed on me in months of constant use) or use Opera which is one of the better alternatives to Internet Explorer.
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name: Piper
email: [email protected]
url: http://white-rook.diaryland.com
question:
Good evening to you, All-Knowing One...
Where can I find the cheapest hotel fare in Windsor, Canada? For as much bashing on Canadians that I do, I whole-heartedly support their economy and national drinking age by depleting their vodka supply nightly with a big smile on my face... and legally now, as well, since I finally turned 19 on Dec. 17th. Thanks a bunch...
answer:
I've heard of a few dumpsters behind 'Motel 8' that aren't too skanky.
If you don't want to sleep in garbage, just go to this url and you can find some deals.
On the average I found rates from 70 dollars and up a night.
Happy birthday.
