new old this that

02.06.02.7:14 am

Answers

Every Wednesday I become the Answer D00d. If you need advice or need the answer to something, click on this advice link and I will do my best to express.

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name: rachel
email:
url: http://protoplast.diaryland.com
question:
Memory is so bizarre to me. What is the point of long term memory? What is the importance of remembering what happened when you were 5 or 10 or 25? Why can't we just remember the important things like not to put your hand on things that might burn you?

Answer:
One day you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

and you may find yourself in another part of the world

and you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

and you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful vase

and you may find yourself not remembering you were there when you were 10

and you may find yourself really in need of a place to pee

and you may find yourself not able to find a bathroom

and you may find yourself walking around with a giant wet spot that ran from your crotch down the side of your leg

and you may find yourself looking really stupid

and you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

and you will answer yourself-Well...I have no long term memory

and in ten years you may find yourself doing it all... over... again.


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name: maya
email:
url: http://
question:
things to do with naked pictures that will not jeopardize my chances should i decide to run for USA presidency in the future: [place advice here]

Answer:
I suggest you create the 'All Naked Pictures Are Bad' alliance (ANPAB) and collect all the naked pictures you can find for later burning. Every once in a while rally a naked picture burning fest and burn most of what you collect - keeping a reserve of the pictures on hand. You can say that the hired hands you hired to be on hand to move the boxes forgot a box if your stash is ever discovered.

This way you can enjoy your naked pictures under the guise of morality.

Hell, something like this works for a great many TV evangelists, why not let it work for you.

p.s. I now fully expect to get a cabinet position if you are ever elected.


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name: AraAspasia
email: ara_aspasia@yahoo.com
url: http://ara-aspasia.diaryland.com
question:
If Satan (you know, the DEVIL, Lucifer, blah blah) were to mate with the common God (Jesus, Lord almighty, blah blah) would the offspring be pure or evil? Would the result have horns? Would it be red or more white-ish with a long brown beard? I don't wanna hear the typical 'They couldn't DO IT! They're both guys!' because 'God' could give himself a (insert any gyno-related noun here) if he wanted to. Would the offspring be a pervert? Hmmm... I need to find another hobby.

Answer:
God and Devil implies an implicit belief in both - thus a belief in religion, so keeping that implied belief in mind, I would have to say that the offspring would look like a human baby.

That baby would then grow into a normal human, because no person is truly as all encompassing evil as the devil, just as no human is as (excuse me while I throw up) pure as God herself. Humans are a mix of both.

Hell, even Hitler loved his two German shepherds.


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name: boy-ashamed
email: bashamed@yahoo.co.uk
url: http://boy-ashamed.diaryland.com
question:
I work in a shitty bowling alley pulling pints of beer for a ridiculously low wage. I've got to walk twenty minutes to get there. Is it worth staying in the job because the people who work there are lovely, and because it's a bowling alley (the best places in the world). If I stay till July I get a five hundred pounds loyalty bonus when it shuts down. OR should I leave them in the lurch, hand in my notice, and find a job closer to home that pays better, where I'll have no bonus, and no gurarantees that people will be so lovely. Please help me dear john.

Answer:
My gut tells me you should stay. Keep a look out for a better job. Don't pass up a great new job just to stay at the alley, but use the time you have to get a new job lined up for after the place closes. That way if you're still looking for a permanent job when you get the bonus, it will help you along until the next job comes.



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name: sarah
email: seveniiiiiii@hotmail.com
url: http://electricsigh.diaryland.com
question:
Okay, now i need a lot of advice and assistance if possible. I've been asked to read poetry to a bunch of people on March 16, and I really want it to be good for reasons that I don't need to elaborate. But i dig your work, and any advice/assistance would rock my face off. I want to perform at this event and do it stunningly and perform/read a piece that won't be overly melodramatic and whatnot. I like you better than bobby, too. I just needed to tell you that.

Answer:
You like me better than bobby? Frickinhell, come over my house and I'll coach you in person.

First off, do you have a poem to read? Does it have to be written by yourself or can you 'cover' someone else's poem? I ask this because you need a good script to begin with. Rotten chicken makes poisonous Chicken McNuggets you know...

Anyway, start off with a poem that is good. Then memorize the sucker. You don't want to distract your audience with that paper bunny floating in front of your face. You want the audience to see you.

After or in the process of memorizing it, record yourself on a tape deck. You want to be comfortable with how you sound. You'll also pick up on any vocal idiosyncrasies you project.

Keep in mind you want to project your voice. Don't shout, just speak forcefully. Speak with conviction. Believe in what you are saying.

Use your hands. You are telling a story when you perform a poem. Let your hands and arms help you get the point across. Are you angry? Then clench your fist. Hold that fist in front of you. Do you have flying imagery in your poem? Don't flap your arms, but perhaps outstretch them as you invoke that image.

Listen to as much performance poetry as you can. There's a store link off of http://gotpoetry.com and there are a lot of great CD's there or go to my www.mp3.com/downcityslam page and listen to a bunch of stuff for free.

Lastly, have fun and don't put much pressure on yourself. Don't make it a job.


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name: Piper
email: froot_loops_killer@yahoo.com
url: http://white-rook.diaryland.com
question:
I am in the mood to dye my hair purple... which requires bleaching it first. This absolutely sucks because a lot of bleaches don't do a damn thing to my hair... it's natural auburn... got any good bleach brand suggestions?

Answer:
The last time I colored my hair, I used herbal essence and it didn't fall out, so based on my limited experience I would say go with that brand.

Based on PAST experience, Clorox should be a last choice.


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name: Jenn
email:
url: http://jenne1017.diaryland.com
question:
What would happen to the world if I just disappeared? Not for a LONG period of time, but for a little while anyway. I think I need to go crack-up somewhere. You don't know me so maybe you can't answer that personally....but I thought I'd ask the all-knowing. Thanks

Answer:
I think if you just went away for a little while without telling anyone that you were going, people who care about you would worry and be angry with you when you came back.

Most people in the western world are free. Free to do what they want when they want to do it. Inherant freedom, however, does not mean people are not responsible for the negative effects thier actions may cause.

Do what you want, just examine the possible outcomes of your actions and be prepared to deal with them once you return to the world.



new old this that
            














Since Feb 2001





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