09.01.01.1:12 am
the grandfather of my girlfriend died yesterday. Death takes everyone eventually. So I ignore it. I pretend it won't take me. (It won't take you.) Pretend those around me are going to live forever I'll have time when I have time time I'll take then... so I don't call my mother can't be bothered to track down the father I never knew I don't take the time to drive an hour to sit with either Aunt to hear the stories and remember with them commit the past to memory to pass along should I ever breed. Death takes everyone eventually, and when it does I feel the loss no matter who it is. Whether I met them twice or knew them all my life I feel it then and only then... do I feel the sense of loss. Fact is, I'm losing people each minute and all the time. I'm just too wrapped up to take notice. My girlfriend's grandfather died today, and I almost feel as if she's taking it better than I am, and I hardly knew the man. Do I feel for her? Is it bringing back the hard memories of everyone I've lost so far? Or am I realizing once again I know what I should be doing but also know I'll be doing nothing about it once again and again and again? Yes, yes and yes. That and so very much more. Perhaps it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself. |
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