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11.28.01.12:17 pm

� Answers �

Wednesday is answer day and...

if you need advice or need the answer to something, click on any of the � advice links on this site and ask anything you would like.

Tonight I may actually be going outside of my house. How amazing. It looks like Jen and I are going to be eating waffles while watching Star Trek over Gary and Melissa's house.

I still haven't informed my girlfriend Jen, but it's waffles! Who can pass up waffles?

Not Jen I bet.

My mother wants to know what I want for Christmas. I think I'm going to ask for an office chair. How freaking exciting am I?

I am as exciting as this is not scary.

See, I'm not very exciting.

�



ask johnpowers

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name: Piper
email: [email protected]
url: http://white-rook.diaryland.com
question:
John Powers, the great all-knowing one!!! ::cheers:: In the wake of Rudy Giuliani being knighted, I heard that you can buy a British title... how much *does* it cost? Why on earth would one want to buy a title, anyways?

Answer:
Yes, you can actually be knighted for a fee, and you can do it through paypal! Just forward 10 dollars U.S. to paypal ID [email protected], along with an email containing a mailing address, and within 6 weeks you will receive your certification that you have been knighted by the queen. Please include $90 for shipping and handling.

Why would anyone want to do it? Who knows, but considering there are magazines in circulation for everything and anything you could imagine, I am sure there are people out there who would pay for everything and anything imaginable as well.

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name: clover
email:
url: http://findyourself.diaryland.com
question:
Hi johnpowers! I've recently been diagnosed with mononucleosis and sentenced to (gasp!) bed rest. Do you have any creative suggestions for how to entertain myself as I lay here, day after grueling, monotonous day?

Also, I'm supposed to head to New York in 27 days to be with my boyfriend, whom I only get to see and touch about four times a year. I've asked my doctor AND looked up about 20 websites, and I still can't find a straight answer as to whether or not I'll be contagious. Please help me!

Answer:
Masturbation.

After about a month, I do not think you will be contagious. From when I had mono, I think it was two weeks before they would let me out of the basement and once again interact with the world.

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name: Liz
email: [email protected]
url: http://tryangle.diaryland.com
question:
dear john. i do respect your opinion, as i have asked your advice many times. and if i have asked this question before i apoligise.

but i am having weird problems at home. i don't know if they are normal or abnormal. my father, who loves me very much (too much), is being really overbearing. he expects a lot of me, and will not ever forget if i mess up. he holds grudges. he is scared that i am going to starve. he knows he will not be able to pay for my college education (a fact *i* had accepted long ago) and because i have not really gotten any information for him about scholarships etc he is freaking out. its not like he can ground me; i mean, i don't have a car, i never go anywhere **anywayz**, so what is there to take away? and i think he realizes that, so his threat is to cut me off from my family when i turn 18. he says that if i don't straighten up now, when i turn 18 (which is less than 2 years) he will never speak to me again etc etc etc. he has no perspective. he says *i* am disrespectful to him, when i have NEVER sworn in his presence, NEVER called him names or yelled back or ANYTHING you hear from any other person my age around the entire world. so i ask you this: is it worth it for me, do you think, for me to try to keep a sort of peace with him, or should i just try life my own way and say to fuck with him? the only thing that keeps me from doing the latter is that if i get cut off from *him* i am cut off from my mother and brother and home. (dogs, cats, horses, etc) ill tell you this: ive gone back to cutting. cutting like with glass. its an issue of control. my friends all think im crazy, except the one who has cut beofre too. my friends say why don't you just punch holes in the wall? but they don't understand its about control. not violence. okay maybe you have some perspective. sorry this was so long.

Answer:
The threat to cut you off from your family is just another control play. It sounds to me like your father has a problem.

You have a problem as well - but I am sure you're well aware that cutting is a serious issue.

Look, there's no magic bullet here. There is nothing I can tell you to better handle the situation. You could keep giving in, just to have your father expecting more and more.

You could ask your father exactly what he wants from you and try to meet those expectations, only to fail and continue to feel less and less control.

Or you could take control of your life - if you want to go to college and know your father can't pay for it, then start doing the research about how you're going to pay for it all - which schools would fit into a price range you could manage with part-time jobs, scholarships, loans, and whatever small amount of money your parents could chip in.

If you don't want to go to school, then rethink that decision. It's a hard life for most people if they don't have a degree. If you still don't want to go to college, then do the research anyway. It won't hurt to know exactly what's up in case you change your mind in a year or two.

Finally, you may be helped more if you bring another family member into your confidence about how you are feeling. It may be time to tell someone about the cutting.

Perhaps bringing a neutral party into the issue will help.

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name: cheese-less in florida
email: [email protected]
url: http://hoochiepoet.diaryland.com
question:
Am I expecting too much when I ask that my roommates ask me before they start digging into the food I put in our fridge? My roommate eats cheese like drug addicts do crack. My precious cheese (paid for with my limited funds) and other foodstuffs keep vanishing in the night because my roomie will not go out to get her own food. What's worse than constantly mooching off of me and other roommates for the last three months is that she does not ask before she eats other peoples' food. I've attempted not to place blame and asked that we, as a room, have an 'Ask before eating' policy. It's only common courtesy, right? Am I asking too much, Answer Man? Do I expect too much of this creul, creul world? What is this universe coming to when even a woman's cheese is not safe in her own refrigerator?

Answer:
Label the cheese. Write on that label:

"THIS IS martysleepwalker's CHEESE! I HAVE NO MONEY. EAT IT AND YOU DIE!"

and see where that gets you.

Has anyone told this roommate that other people's food is totally off limits. Has anyone approached her for reimbursement?

You'd be surprised how many people are brought up differently from the way you were - meaning don't assume a person knows what qualifies as common curtsey.

I'd label things and possibly buy a small cube fridge for just your stuff.

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name: Aimee
email: [email protected]
url: http://torimaureen.diaryland.com/
question:
My family had planned our Thanksgiving holiday weeks ago to accommodate everyone. Yesterday, my brother changed his plans and decided he wanted to have dinner late. Of course, my mother changed everything to please him, and now my boyfriend and I [missed] dinner with my family! My brother thinks I have nothing to be upset about. Is he right?

Answer:No, he's a selfish, self centered, a jerk, and a mommas boy. I'd tell him to consider others a little more often and to stop pissing you off because one day he's going to need you and all you'll be willing to give him by then is the finger.
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name: Laka Nookie
email:
url: http://
question:
Dear John. I had a few questions for you. [1] First of all, I went out and bought a turkey fryer for thanksgiving and i bought the oil and everything, but i just don't know how long to cook the fuckin thing. [2] Secondly, where did the side dish 'turnips and carrots' originate? [3] Third, if all of Africa was just one single country, what would it be called? Hm. I know I had more questions than this... [4] Okay, what is the best way to turn a woman on who just doesn't have a single iota of raging hormones inside her. Thanks John. - Laka Nookie.

Answer
[1] 350 degrees for 6 hours. Check every 30 minutes.

[2] Scotland.

[3] It would be called AFRICA.

[4] Humor might help. Machismo won't. Don't bother with money, because if that works you shouldn't want her anyway. Perhaps she's just not ready to be sexual. Without know the situation, it's tough to say.
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