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12.31.01.2:04 pm
Party at my house tonight...
I have to get ready for tonight�s Demonstration Slam IN THE MIDDLE OF A COUPLE HUNDRED YEAR OLD BAPTIST CHURCH
yes, I am praying to be run over by a drunk on the way there
and then after the Slam, a New Years Eve party is reportedly going to break out at my apartment.
Remember the last time this happened?
So now I have to clean, fold laundry, pick out my set list for the show, pack up the gear for the show and hopefully eat something.
Because really, I do not do well when I drink
on an empty stomach.
I get hungover really bad.
You know hangovers...
Krapula, crapulence, toemmermenn, lumberjacks, resaca - hangover.
You know you're hungover because the thought of licking a giant ash tray full of day old cigarettes, ashes, stale beer and polish kielbasa makes you want to run to the toilet to examine your inner inner intestines.
Perhaps it's tommorow and you're reading this after just having examined your inner inner intestines?
Do you have a killer headache, churning stomach, dry throat and or tongue with more fur on it than 6 month old damp bread?
Well here are some popular hangover cures, advice, and anecdotes:
Drinking lots of water to combat the leading cause of hangovers - dehydration.
Before you go to bed, drink at least half as many glasses of water as you have had drinks. Then on your last glass of water take either two Tylenol or two Advil - and then go to bed.
When you wake up you need sugar - water and sugar. 2 table spoons of sugar dissolved in a glass of luke warm water drank slowly often can get your system jump started. Repeat this after a half hour or so.
Honey on toast is a better idea. Honey is rich in fructose, which hastens the metabolism and gets you feeling better faster as part of hangover pain is low blood sugar levels.
Try rubbing half a lemon under each armpit. The lemons must be rubbed clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere and counterclockwise in the Southern - trust me. If you're too messed up to figure out where you are an which way the clock turn - don't try this. HOWEVER if you are in Puerto Rico, you may rub the lemon in any direction, under your 'drinking arm.'
The 'hair of the dog' theory is bogus by the way. Don't keep drinking, it will only prolong the pain. Coffee too. It may wake you up, but it also prolongs the morning after agony. Like alcohol, coffee is a diuretic, which flushes fluids from the body.
Going to a sauna and sweating out a hangover definitely works - You just have to deal with a lot of really hairy, sweaty guys. Just be sure to drink the water before hand.
Generally there is nothing to do except sleep and eat white foods if your stomach is very upset. In Italy, 'eating white' means rice, pasta and dairy products. No tomatoes - they're acidic and can make the hangover worse.
Drinking white is also a good idea. Bourbon and red wine result in heinously painful hangovers because they have more 'cogeners' than their lighter counterparts. Cogeners are produced naturally by the fermentation and processing of alcoholic drinks.
Russians, however, seem to like fighting acid with acid. Many drink a glass of brine from homemade pickled cucumbers or sauerkraut.
In Singapore, they say herbal soup laced with ginseng can help cure a hangover.
In outer Mongolia, men recovering from a big night are known to drain a glass of tomato juice containing a pickled sheep's eye.
In Hong Kong, before wedding banquets that are likely to be well lubricated, some plan ahead. They swallow raw eggs or butter before imbibing, believing these will ease the pain.
Some Greeks believe in the egg fix as well, only they suck it whole from the shell to prepare for a night of swilling ouzo, the aniseed-flavored national liquor.
Eggs help, because they are rich in fat and line the stomach - meaning alcohol takes a longer time to soak in.
And remember if you do nothing and leave it up to chance - chances are all you'll be able to do is pray -
just as the poet Byron wrote: 'Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter. Sermons and soda-water the day after.'
Oh, Happy New Year.
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