The headlines are real, the take and the story is mine...
� Underage BUSH Daughters Arrested - for possession of Alcohol - again.
Yes, this is true, and the reason you may not have heard about this is because the First Parents 'asked' the media to respect their privacy on this matter - as it was a family matter. Yes, The Ultra Right wing, Super Conservative, Bible Belt Courting First Parents 'asked' for restraint and privacy... Gee, I wonder why they wouldn't want their parenting skills questioned? Could it be the Bush's twins daughters are the love child of the first lady and Senator Jeffords? Nah, it's just a simple example of the hypocrisy of politics and the president.
� TAKING POWERS - Democrats vow corroboration in their leadership of Senate.
"Noo! I won't go! Leave me alone! Ahhh, HELP ME SENATORS ARE CHASING ME!!!"
� McBonsai - JohnPowers creates 9 Bonsai in two hours
Oh how very American of me.
� Bobby Flay Beats Iron Chef - American food network television personality beats Morimoto
In the long awaited rematch between Morimoto and Bobby Flay, I thought for sure Filet the Flay was going to lose - he even had a male 8 year old Shirley Temple look-alike rooting against him. But no, he won and made the little boy cry. Flay refrained from stepping on the cutting board this time. This time, he threw the cutting board before standing on the table. Morimoto was still pissed, but refrained from throwing a steak knife at Flay.
� Gaza fighting threatens cease-fire - Israel faces pressure to retaliate
Is it me or don't both sides have to stop retaliating before it's a cease fire? Just asking.
Anyone this this is a reason to pay more attention to the middle east? "Oh, Mr. Bush?" "Mr. Bush..." "Are you paying attention?"
� FAA readies ambitious air upgrade - WashPost: Boosting traffic, safety
After the upgrade the air will move three times more slowly, the air will crash two times as much, and unless you have Air 98, you will not be allowed to upgrade to Air XP. Oh no no, you will have to purchase your air at full retail price.
� WSJ: Windows XP may ignore AOL - Microsoft plans new message service
Cool, now there's another messenger service I can not use because I forget to turn it back on. Of course this means there will be yet another system slowing icon in my system tray, but hey! - anything that hurts AoHell is fine by me.
� �Producers� powers through Tonys - Hit nabs 12 trophies, topping �Dolly�
How do you top a cloned sheep? And why is my name in so many headlines?
� Automakers shelve new models
Mostly, the new American Sport SUV hybrid models are being delayed or canceled. Yep, we won't be seeing Chrysler and Ford rips offs of the Subaru Outback. Other more fuel efficient models are being affected as well. Yes you heard that right, the economy is slowing, so they are going to keep producing fuel guzzling models so people can spend more and more money on gas while they earn less and less money. Right now, Joseph Heller should be chuckling just like I am.
� �Scoop�: MTV�s no-suspense awards
These are also the no clothes awards. So, did Jennifer Lopes show up in a thong and pasties, err, I mean a new dress? Nope, but Tom Cruise didn't have a date and was looking glum. SING IT! "We will We will - fall asleep. Fall asleep."
� Interactive TV takes a look at viewers
Taking reality TV to the next level, yes indeed your TV will now be watching you. No no, don't take your meds, those really are voices and you have every reason to feel paranoid.
� Newsweek�s Will: Call of �diversity�
Columbus, an Italian, arrived in the new World with a crew of less than 100 composed of Spaniards, Portuguese, some Jews who had been expelled from Spain, some convicts and an Arab brought along to translate anticipated conversations with Chinese and Japanese. Remember where Columbus thought he was going? Now, about this new American thing, �diversity.� CONCERNING WHICH - We HAVE been through this before - as when Benjamin Franklin, that worrywart, doubted that the Germans who were 40 percent of Pennsylvanians could ever hope to fit into America. It is generally wise to smack upside the head those who say that traditionally white-bread America has suddenly become multigrain.
"America, you morons, has always been multigrain. It's time to pull your heads out of your asses and read a history book."
� Webb, Woods defend golf titles
You mean there's another professional golfer besides Tiger Woods? You're kidding me.
� Motley Fool: Best stocks for summer
On another note, Motley Crue are still the best schlock�s for the summer.
