Every Friday is Horrorscope day - Horoscopes, scary things, and apparently dietary suggestions... Yes I am an astrologer's worst nightmare.
Last night I had a house full of poets and DJ's - which wasn't bad, except my house is a tiny apartment right now. This morning the Gravity Games were starting and almost every cross street that we needed to take was blocked off for the street luge. Ayieeeee! That event used to be fun when it was directly below my apartment window. Ahh, Xtremely lame memories. *Cough*
Aries 3/20-4/18
When your coffee is cold and bitter the paper cups been held too much
nicotine stains their fingers they're using depression as a crutch... worrying about what everyone else wants of them but the sun is shining off your ocean even with rivers glistening down your face... and you know... you know... everything will be just fine. In time. Either tell them or listen on your own. Chicken Soup.
Taurus 4/19-5/19
8675309... ever get a number stuck in your head? How about a number from a wall? Don't call it. It can only go bad. If your friend asks you to curb schwag a leather recliner, would you do it? Be prepared for the test of all tests - fraternity parties or work outings - same difference. Steak.
Gemini 5/20-6/20
Water the plants. If you see a middle aged man on a razor scooter - scooting to work in a suit and tie - enjoy it with him, not at his expense - because he isn't fitting others perceptions of cool... and that's just too cool. Italian Bread.
Cancer 6/21-7/21
The air is clean today, and the smog's lifted from up high your eyes are narrow because they're full of sunlight and for once the streets are warm and dry... Excuse me while I kiss this guy. I mean, say hello to your new neighbor! Fruit Salad.
Leo 7/22-8/22
Hot time, summer in the city. It's almost over, but that doesn't matter, for some its been over for a while. The word Respect seems to work well lately, so use it in your next argument - say when your ass gets grabbed - unless you liked it. Kiss a girl. Anything but soy yogurt.
Virgo 8/23-9/21
Birthday's fade and birthday's near, just remember, don't drink the Everclear... Very bad stuff - just like grain alcohol. You're in a delicate state right now, so don't fool yourself, stay near the pillars in your life. Support. Bunt Cake.
Libra 9/21-10/22
I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you got a brand new key... so forget about where others are rolling to, you have security in your hand, just don't lose it or forget to use it. Throw that piece of paper away. Cranberry juice.
Scorpio 10/21-11/21
You sexy motha.. shut yo mouth! Somehow I feel I've used that line in here before - so don't make that mistake yourself - there's nothing more embarrassing than repeating yourself. Ever wish you could be a comic book super hero? Well you can in your own way - with just the power of your words. Talk to someone new today. Buy a smoothie.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/20
You sexy motha.. shut yo mouth! Whoops. See what I mean? Listen to the Scorpion. Perhaps someone is really interested in you or they are just doing something because they feel obligated to. Learn to tell the difference by gauging their level of excitement. You have a lot going on, don't waste your time. Eggs.
Capricorn 12/21-1/20
You have no horoscope today. Consider yourself unbound by the laws of metaphysics - which are in fact not laws but unknown karmic forces emanating through the aluminum foil helmet I wear to write these... so you are in fact lucky. Vanilla Ice Cream.
Aquarius 1/21-2/19
Catnip, which mysteriously creates euphoria in cats, is promising to be an effective insect repellent, so someday you may be able to lay in a mosquito infested field and have stray cats run up to you and rub themselves all over you. Things are looking up! ...unless you hate cats. Examine your feelings and decide where they are going to bring you. Herbs.
Pisces 2/20-3/19
The general message of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood is that the truth is best... "If we can share ourselves with our kids in ways that aren�t frightening to them, that�s the greatest gift we can give anyone - the gift of an honest self." You watched Mr. Rogers when you were young and he was right back then, so he's still right today. So remember, "You Can Never Go Down the Drain." Wish Mr. Roger's a restful retirement and eat some pears.
