� Answers �
This is my answer column. It's an advice column, a question column, for some people a try and stump johnpowers column... whatever it's all good. � Just for posterity, I did not a thing last night - besides read diaries, pet the cat, eat dinner, watch the History Channel, and go to sleep.
Jen will be home from Philly tomorrow, but I also have a business get together tomorrow night on a giant catamaran. Lovely, I get to come home late the exact day Jen gets back after being gone for 10 days. I'm such a bad boyfriend.
Anyway, every Wednesday I become The Answer Guy. If you need advice or need the answer to something, click on any of the � advice links on this site and ask anything you would like to.
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name: rachel
email: [email protected]
url: http://protoplast.diaryland.com
question:
let's say you were out of town. let's say you have a lesbian sister. let's say jen had sex with your lesbian sister while you were gone. 1) what would you do? 2) how could jen make it better. (sidenote: this in no one implies anything about your relationship with jen ;-) it's all hypothetical!)
answer:
I would freak out. Get angry, cry, go through denial... I would grieve.
Time is all that could make it better. We would have to work on rebuilding our trust and if we cared enough about each other, we could perhaps be able to work it out.
First would be the reason of 'Why?' There would have to be some underlying reason why the transgression occurred in the first place - and until the original reason was addressed there would be no chance at regaining that trust.
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name: Hello Newman 2001
email: [email protected]
url: http://hellonewman.diaryland.com
question:
Hello there Mr Powers.
My question to you is this - why is it that when old people have just a couple of crusty bits of bread left in their cupboards, they insist on feeding them to bloody pigeons? Surely it's like feeding the shitty bastards ammunition?
answer:
As people grow older they begin to find that more and more people that they knew are dead.
Imagine having no family left - or a few family members you see once a month - once every six months. All of your friends are gone. You have no one to talk to - the boy who bags your groceries at the market doesn't even return your smile. Perhaps you see someone you know on a Sunday. You don't work any more. No one really needs you...
but you have this bread. You have this spot you can go and feed the pidgins - who as long as you have bread - will be near you - they need you. They give you comfort
for a little while.
That is why.
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name: yvahn
email: [email protected]
url: http://vonnie.diaryland.com
question:
How can someone be nice without being nice? I mean, what if I want to do a nice thing for someone because they need a favor, but not be their friend? Why do people feel like once you do something nice for them, they're obligated to kiss your ass and be your "bff"?
answer:
You can only do that by explaining to them after you do them the favor that "while I didn't mind doing you a favor, I really am too busy to hang out. I'm sorry, it isn't personal, but for me, I can't let any more people into my life." It will probably hurt them - especially if they are a lonely person, but it will hurt a lot less if you are honest and straightforward with them right away.
Everything will come back to you - especially when you thought you gave it away in an act of kindness.
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name: Piper
email: [email protected]
url: http://white-rook.diaryland.com
question:
I live in the Detroit area. I will be getting a house pretty soon, and my friend Joker wants to buy me two Great Danes. That's fine with me. The trouble is, he also wants to name them, and knows exactly *what* he wants to name them.
So my question is... when my neighbors find out they are living next door to an US Air Force officer who has two dogs named Lenin and Stalin, will they be confused or offended? (or possibly both)
answer:
If they know he is a US Air Force officer then they will more than likely be amused because while most people are still afraid of communists, they also do not believe those in the Armed Forces are capable of being communist. At the worst confused. Hell, if they're offended because of what the dogs are NAMED, then they're probably people not worth knowing anyway.
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name: Annie
email:
url: http://
question:
Hmm ... okay, well I guess my biggest, energy consuming thought these days is: "Should I be worried that my online 'boyfriend' doesn't really put much effort into the communication process?"
I'll 'fess up now and admit that I've been doing my best to overcome a self-worth problem for many years now, which is why I think I'm just being insecure and over-worried.
There was a time when I phoned him all the time - hundreds and hundreds of dollars spent in phone calls. I wanted to - it was nothing at all to phone him "just to hear his voice". But since he's moved in with some others, he rarely phones and when he does - it's usually 5 minutes and then the standard "I better get off the phone" is heard and sometimes, before I even have a chance to say much in response, there is a dialtone.
I understand that his roommates harrass him about the phone, etc but then there's email - I email him whenever I can ... he RARELY, if ever, replies to any of them. When he does, it's a few sentences and that's it.
Do I just ignore this and assume it's a "men just don't know communication" issue? or do I bring it up and talk about this with him? or do I assume that his interest isn't as deep as it used to be and he's just too nice to let me down?
He once told me that he had an attention deficit disorder. Is this a direct result of that? I'm going to be meeting him soon ... I suppose not all people are cut out for the distance relationship - but then again, isn't communication a vital part of making a distance relationship work?
I apologize for the length of this question. Take care :)
answer:
Communication is extremely important in a long distance relationship - as that communication is the basis for your relationship.
He knows how to communicate as is evidenced by the beginning of your relationship. You talked much more then and he had things to say - am I correct? Also, if he has email he can put the time in to type - attention deficit disorder or not.
If he really wanted to take the time to talk to you, he could buy a phone card and call you from a pay phone.
The pattern I am seeing is that of someone who is trying to protect themselves. Perhaps it is that he doesn't want to hurt you - and thus go through that pain himself. Perhaps he is worried about meeting you - that he will not be liked by you once you meet.
You can do two things. 1) Take a risk and confront him and make him explain why he doesn't seem to have time for you. 2) Play it safe and hold off - keep the status quo until you do meet - and then see where the relationship goes. You decide.
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name: Guinevere
email: [email protected]
url: http://broknpromise.diaryland.com
question:
Okay it's a relationship question hope you can stomach it. I've been friends with a guy for almost five years. We've dated on and off the last time being 2 years ago. He left me to date his current girlfriend. About a year into THEIR relationship we started sleeping together occasionally ( I know it's crazy) the last time we were together (2 weeks ago) he said he wanted to try and have a real committment with his girlfriend.
Said he needed to figure out if his cheating was a life long thing or just because he is with her. Problem...he hasn't spoken to me at all in about a week and it is a bit unusual.
So what the hell is up? Feel free to look at the last few entries of my diary above for any background. Thanks
answer:
Sit down. Sit down someplace quiet... someplace dark. Before you should be three quarters.
Pick up the first quarter and close your eyes. Hold onto the coin and put yourself in the boy's shoes. You can have sex whenever you like. With either of at least two women. Why? Because he can? Because he is not happy with her? Because he can? If its her then why does he stay with her? He loves her? Then why cheat on her? Why hurt her? Because he can? Decide and put the quarter down.
Pick up the second quarter and close your eyes. Hold it in your hand while you think of the other woman. Imagine yourself as her. Imagine finding out your boyfriend sleeps with both of you. Be her. Let yourself imagine her as she finds out. How she feels... Put the quarter down once you think you know how she will feel.
Turn on the lights. Hold the third quarter between your thumb and forefinger. Hold it up to your face. Can you see what its reflecting? Does it look like you? No. You just see skin.
Chances are that's all your ex is seeing. Skin. ...and not who you really are.
Pick up the other quarters. They're already cold.
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name: never.
email:
url: http://shoplift.diaryland.com
question:
do those who practice healing experience the sacrement of healing itself?
answer:
OK, let me go back in time and dredge up my long since renounced Catholic School upbringing. What follows is an answer from a purely religious perspective. Feel free to ask a more specific question if you want an answer from a different perspective.
Spiritual healing by Jesus is mentioned 65 times in the Gospels. In Acts 12, episodes of miraculous healing by the followers of Jesus are recounted. A specific episode is often repeated in two or three of the synoptic Gospels, and all in all, 24 healings by Jesus of specific individuals are found.
So what does this mean?
It means that the followers of Jesus practiced the sacrament of healing, so there is a precedent. So it is possible to not be god and to heal (if you believe in Jesus.)
Then we have to decide where the power to heal comes from. Obviously someone who is a follower of Christ would believe that they are being empowered to heal through the lord. Lets go with that assumption.
"But do they experience the sacrament?"
Does a doctor heal himself when he mends a leg? No. But if that doctor prayed over the broken leg and it was miraculously healed, then the patient would have experienced the sacrament of healing. They would have been touched by god... and because the doctor who prayed in essence enabled the instantaneous healing to occur - acted as a conduit a channel an enabler - he too would have experienced the sacrament, because he too was touched by god.
Of course I havn't been to church in 15 years, so I could be wrong.
